Related How Again? 2 (4CE reprint...May 2012)

"Related How Again? the 2nd"

Rhoda Morgenstern's siblings. A "retcon" is when an established fact in a continuing work of fiction is changed…it stands for RETroactive CONtinuity….yes, essentially changing the past. Sometimes, a suitable explanation for the change is given or can be inferred. Other times, the change is completely inconsistent with the original circumstances, and you are just expected to accept it. Such was the case when the Rhoda Morgenstern character on "The Mary Tyler Moore Show" was spun off into her own series in 1974. She now had but one sibling, her younger sister Brenda, and no others, complete with old photos and home movies to prove it.

But things were different on the original show. In one episode, her mother Ida comes to visit, and mentions Rhoda’s brother and sister, Arnold and Brenda. A “younger brother” is referred to in several other episodes, maybe Arnold, maybe not. Then later in that episode, Ida says she is next going to visit "your sister in Chicago"…is this Brenda or a different one? We don't really know, so that's either 1 or 2 sisters so far, and at least one brother.

The only sibling we ever see in person is Debbie, played by Liberty Williams, whose claim to fame, apart from sharing her first name with a fictitious outlaw of the Old West, was her role as Elizabeth Montgomery's grown-up daughter in the short-lived sitcom "Tabitha." Mary and Rhoda went to New York City for her wedding…remember Brett Somers as “Aunt Rose”? Did Debbie at one point live in Chicago? Now we're up to either 2 or 3 sisters.

And once, in keeping with the story-line of Rhoda's bad luck with men, she told of how she was once so depressed, she slept thru her sister's wedding…which was just as well, since her sister was marrying her ex-fiance. This sister can't be either Brenda or Debbie, so that's 3 definite sisters…and if none of these 3 lived in Chicago, that's 4 all together. Along with Rhoda and Arnold, a total of either 5 or 6 siblings…a far cry from just 2, wouldn't you say?

At least that's how the Fan Logic game works. The truth is, the writers weren't keeping track, and figured they could get away with just an unmarried Brenda, since viewers would have forgotten the married Debbie…except of course some of us didn't, not then, and not now either. But that's the TV Universe…love it or leave it. 

On "The Addams Family," whose Uncle was Fester?  The simple answer, based on the TV series which ran 2 seasons from 1964-1966, is he is Morticia's uncle…his full name is Fester Frump and her maiden name is Morticia Frump…case closed. Granted, he sometimes talks as if he were a biological Addams, sharing the distinct peculiarities of the Addams lineage…altho oddly enough Morticia sometimes does that too! But in a 2-part flashback episode to Morticia and Gomez' courtship, he is clearly established as the brother of Morticia's mother Hester Frump, portrayed by Margaret Hamilton…the Wizard of Oz witch, naturally.

The problem is, there were also 2 animated Addams Family series, a made-for-TV movie, 2 theatrical movies, an additional direct-to-DVD movie, and a revival TV series "The New Addams Family" which ran on the Fox Family Channel for 2 seasons in the early 1990s. And if you were puzzled when the 1993 film came out and Fester was now Gomez' brother…hence uncle to Pugsley and Wednesday, and no longer to Morticia…you had apparently forgotten that that's how it was in the 1973 cartoon series…and has been in every other production since the original.

Grandmama's relationship to the clan is similarly confused. The TV series was based on Charles Addams' cartoons in the New Yorker Magazine, published beginning in 1938. The characters never had names, so for the series, he came up with some…in fact, one of his original names for Pugsley was "Pubert," re-used for the mustachioed new baby brother in the 1993 film. In his original notes, she was Granny Frump, Morticia's mother…but for the series she was Gomez' mother. Then in the subsequent productions she alternated between the two…with names like Eudora Addams and Esmerelda Frump. This confusion was slyly referred to in the 2010 broadway Addams Family production, with a "My mother? I thought she was your mother!" gag.

And there was another inside joke by the writers, acknowledging the inconsistencies…in "The New Addams Family," where there was no longer a Pubert, Wednesday remarks that there was a third sibling, but they ate it. Hardy-har-har. 

Why wasn't Marlo Thomas one of her father's daughters on "The Danny Thomas Show"? It seems like it would have made perfect sense. After all, the inspiration for the show was Danny's own family and home-life. The initial premise was that his character, being a nightclub singer and comedian, was away from home much of the time, which was true in real life. In fact the series original title, "Make Room For Daddy," was what his wife Rose Marie Thomas would say when the children were little and they had to stop sleeping in her bedroom because their father was coming home. The first episode, aired Sept. 29, 1953, was titled "Uncle Daddy." But there were 2 reasons why Marlo was not a daughter on the show.

The first was that she was simply too old. When the show debuted, she was a month shy of her 16th birthday. Danny's 2 TV children, Sherry Jackson as Terry and Rusty Hamer as Russell, were in real life aged 11 and 6, just about the ages of Marlo's 2 younger siblings. The character of Terry was named after Theresa Thomas, nick-named Terry, and as an adult spelled "Terre." Rusty was patterned after Charles Anthony Thomas, or Tony. So as not to be left out, Danny's on-screen wife was named Margaret, which was Marlo's real name…Marlo was how as a child she mispronounced Margo, the family's nickname for her.

The other reason was, Marlo wasn't yet committed to being an actress. She went on to college at USC and earned a teaching degree. Then she was a teacher for a brief time before finally succumbing to the acting bug. Interestingly, in her first 2 TV roles in 1960, on "Dobie Gillis" and "77 Sunset Strip," she was billed as "Margaret Thomas." And indeed she did appear just once on her father's show…on March 27, 1961, an episode that served as the pilot for the sitcom "The Joey Bishop Show," which debuted that Fall. It lasted for 4 seasons, and for the first season, she played Joey's starstruck younger sister Stella. Other regulars included Abby Dalton as his wife, Corbett Monica, Madge Blake, Guy Marks, Warren Berlinger, Joe Besser, Joe Flynn, and for one season, Bill Bixby. 

Marlo Thomas' breakthrough came on the stage, in the London production of "Barefoot in the Park" in in 1965, which lead directly to her starring role in "That Girl" in the Fall of 1966. For the record, Danny acted with his daughter 4 other times...early on in "Zane Grey Theatre"...once on Danny's series "The Practice" in the 1970s...and twice on "That Girl"...the first time in a cameo as a priest..."father," get it?...then several years later when Danny appeared as himself, the actor. Till next time, good luck twice removing those 3rd cousins…and rock on!

. 

Silver Screen Beatles...Not! (4CE reprint April 2012)

The Silver Screen Beatles...Not!

Did you ever wonder why, given the phenomenal success of "A Hard Day's Night" and "Help!", the Beatles never made a third live-action movie? Well, those days of doubt and confusion are over, my friend. Read on...

Of course they did film the 60-minute "Magical Mystery Tour" for television in 1967. It was aired on Dec. 26, 1967 on BBC1 in black and white, then 10 days later in color on BBC2. The music was a hit (an LP in the US, a double EP package in the UK), but the aimless shenanigans of the film were roundly panned by all and sundry. As a result, it didn't see theatrical release in the United States until 1974, and wasn't on TV here until it was syndicated in the early 1980s, making its network debut of sorts on USA's "Night Flight" program in May of 1985. 

To tell the truth, I've found it's grown better with age, a charming cultural relic of a unique moment in time. One highlight, which isn't on the LP, is the Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band's performance of "Death Cab For Cutie," a send-up of the "teen death" record fad of the early 1960s.  

In 1968 came the animated "Yellow Submarine"...altho the Beatles appeared as themselves in a scene at the end, the voices throughout the movie were done by others. In fact, half-way thru the recording, "George" was discovered to be a deserter from the British army and dutifully arrested. "Ringo" covered his part of the rest of the film. And in 1971 came the documentary "Let It Be."

But if it seemed to you a natural course for the Fabs to hit the silver screen for a third go-around, so also did it seem to Brian Epstein …not to mention the fact that they had a 3-film contract with United Artists, which eventually had to be satisfied by "Yellow Submarine." The problem was finding the right script. Three projects were seriously considered...but the chances of a third Beatles live-action feature film all but died when Brian Epstein did, on August 27, 1967.

The most publicized of these was called "A Talent For Loving." In fact in 1965, before "Help!" was even completed, it was announced the third Beatles flick would be...of all things...a western! Which made perfect sense, appealing to the Americans obviously, and also to all the would-be buckaroos in Europe, of which the Beatles themselves were four. For the script, Richard Conlon, author of "The Manchurian Candidate," adapted his light-hearted novel of 1961 about a horse race from the Rio Grande to Mexico City in 1871, the prize being a wealthy bride.

No reason for the Beatles ultimately rejecting "A Talent For Loving" has ever emerged...the basic premise was perfect for the Beatles...more of the same, with a different twist. The movie was eventually made in 1969 with a different cast, including Richard Widmark, Caesar Romero, Genevieve Page, Caroline Munro, and Israeli actor Topol. For home video it was renamed "Gun Crazy."

The second possible movie, in development in late 1966 and early 1967, was called "Shades of Personality"...to be shot in Spain and directed by heavyweight Michelangelo Antonini of "Blow-up" fame. The plot involved a man, to be played by John, whose personality split into 3 separate individuals: Paul, George, and Ringo. But by this time, studio recording was consuming all of the Beatles time and energy, and "Sgt. Pepper" took precedence.

But also in the works at this same time was "Up Against It." Brian Epstein commissioned this script from up-and-coming comedic playwright Joe Orton…it was set in a future where women ruled, men were subservient, and involved political assassination, cross-dressing and hints of "alternate lifestyles." The Beatles weren't too keen on much of the concept, and Orton's work on a re-write ended with his murder just 18 days before Brian Epstein's death. In fact, his body was discovered by Epstein's chauffeur, sent to fetch him for a meeting on the project. It was later considered as a vehicle for the Rolling Stones, costarring Ian McKellen, but that plan also came to naught. More than 20 years later, in 1989, an off-Broadway musical based on the unused script, with music by Todd Rundgren, came and went amidst some fanfare. Demos of his songs were later released in Japan on a CD, but they are no great shakes, sad to say.

Without Epstein, the Beatles were rudderless and the world saw the inevitable results. Let's face it, these cats weren't businessmen! But among the many other ideas pitched to the Beatles over the years, probably the most intriguing was Disney's animated version of "The Jungle Book." Remember the four "moptop" vultures, who spoke with cockney accents? They were indeed intended to be portrayed the Beatles, and Epstein was in negotiations with Walt when the lads got wind of it. John was especially adamant against lending their voices....their disappointment with the Saturday morning Beatles cartoon show was still fresh in their minds, and the matter was dropped. 

It's ironic, since "The Jungle Book" is most famous for its wonderful musical score…it was the first animated movie soundtrack to earn a gold record, and "Bare Necessities" was nominated for an Oscar, losing to Dr. Dolittle's "Talk to the Animals." Imagine it with a song or two by the Beatles! The strange thing is, Walt Disney died during the production, in December of 1967, within months of the deaths of Epstein and Orton. 

A remake of the Three Musketeers was another idea seriously considered, and it again would have been an interesting vehicle for the Beatles...a "period piece" infused with their own brand of mayhem. Again, it was the Beatles themselves who weren't convinced...altho interestingly, when a new "The Three Musketeers" hit the screen in 1973, it was directed by Dick Lester, who had also directed "A Hard Day's Night" and "Help."

John Lennon pushed hard for purchasing the rights to "Lord of the Rings." He saw himself in the role of Gollum, with Paul as Frodo, George as Gandalf, and Ringo as Sam. The others didn't share his enthusiasm, since John saw himself as the star, and as Paul remarked: "The strength of the other films is that we're all equal." In any event, J.R.R. Tolkien himself balked at turning the Beatles loose in Middle Earth, and that was that. 

One of the oddest near-misses was early on in 1963, when the Beatles were big in the UK but hadn't yet conquered the US or the world. Titled "The Yellow Teddy Bears," it concerned a group of schoolgirls who wore yellow badges to indicate they'd "done the deed," if you get my drift and I think you do. A bit too cheeky for the Fab 4's image? Apparently the problem was that they would have had to sing other people's songs, and their response was thanks but no thanks. The movie was made without them…pop singer Iain Gregory fronting Kinky Carson and the Embers…and the home video years later was re-titled "Gutter Girls." Lovely. 

But it's interesting to note that all four Beatles worked on individual movie projects in the late 1960s. John appeared as Musketeer Gripweed in Dick Lester's WWII satire "How I Won the War" in 1966. Ringo was with Peter Sellers in "The Magic Christian" in 1969, the title song sung by Badfinger and writen by Paul. (The title, by the way, was the name of a yacht.) 

George composed and performed a soundtrack of Indian music for the movie "Wonderwall" in 1968. Jane Birkin was in it, as a photographer's model named Penny Lane, but the meandering film wasn't even a cult favorite until its re-release in the 1990s. The best solo cinematic effort was Paul's well-received scoring of the 1966 comedy "The Family Way," the travails of a newly married couple played by Hayley Mills and Hywel Bennett. Till next time, keep watching the screen…and rock on! 

The 60's...What a Joke! (4CE reprint March 2012)

The 1960s…What a Joke!

This month's column is dedicated to the proposition that the 1960s…were a joke. Specifically, Elephant Jokes and Tom Swifties.

How can you tell if there's an elephant behind you? You smell the peanuts on his breath. How can you tell an elephant's been in your refrigerator? You see his footprints in the butter. And if the reaction of adults was "That's dumb" or "That doesn't make any sense," well, that suited us kids just fine, didn't it?

The Elephant Joke craze appeared about the same time as slot-car racing and bikes with high-rise handle-bars and banana seats. According to a scholarly article (seriously!) in a folklore journal in 1967, Elephant Jokes first appeared in Texas in the summer of 1962. They spread to California by early 1963, and by that summer had gone national. LIFE magazine first mentioned them in October 1963, and by the summer of 1964, this joke was sent in to Boys' Life: Why did the elephant wear sunglasses? He didn't want to be recognized with all the Elephant Jokes around.

How did the elephant get in the oak tree? He sat on an acorn and waited 20 years. Why did the elephant paint its toenails red? To hide in a strawberry patch. How do you fit 4 elephants in a Volkswagen? 2 in the front, 2 in the back. How do you fit 5 elephants in a Volkswagen? Put one in the glove compartment. What game do elephants play in a Volkswagen? Squash!

Elephant jokes began with the absurdist premise that you didn't know how big an elephant was, and quickly expanded from there. They were sort of anti-riddles, eschewing the clever puzzles of old-fashioned riddles, and the tortured puns of more modern ones, although play-on-words were sometimes involved, like: How do you stop a charging elephant? Take away his credit card. How do you get an elephant out of a theater? You can't, it's in their blood. (OK, maybe that was a little sophisticated, but I remember getting it.)

What's gray and comes in a can? Campbell's Cream of Elephant soup. What's gray and has a trunk? A mouse going on vacation. Why are elephants wrinkled? Did you ever try to iron one? How do you shoot a blue elephant? With a blue elephant gun. How do you shoot a red elephant? Hold its trunk till it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

Many of us stocked up on them by buying "101 Elephant Jokes" at a Scholastic Books fair at school. Someone was recently asking $300 for a copy on eBay…good luck with that. How do you get down off an elephant? You don't, you get down off a duck. How do you make a dead elephant float? Ginger ale, 2 scoops of ice cream, and a dead elephant. And some parodied other riddles, like: Why did the elephant cross the road? It was the chicken's day off. Why did the elephant wear red suspenders? Because the fireman finally bought a belt. 

Eventually, other animals and other things got into the act: What's purple and swims in the ocean? Moby Grape. A group of San Francisco musicians were so tickled with that they named their rock group after it. Another good name for a group would be the Ball-Point Banana…you know, what's yellow and goes click click? What did the grape say when the elephant sat on it? Nothing, it just gave out a little wine…OK, so there were a few bad puns mixed in here and there.

One of my favorites was a two-parter: Why do ducks have flat feet? To stamp out forest fires. Why do elephants have flat feet? To stamp out flaming ducks. As with all fads, Elephant jokes soon died out, but not before clueless grown-ups got into the act and psychoanalyzed the whole deal, citing everything from racial aggression to "an ambient father figure," whatever that means. But google "Elephant Jokes" on the internet today and you'll get over 11 million hits…so I guess kids young and old still enjoy the iconoclastic buffoonery that was at the heart of it all. 

Appearing at the same time, Tom Swifties were more sophisticated, appealing to both kids and adults. TIME magazine announced their arrival in their May 31, 1963 issue, although again their origins are hazy. Perhaps an English teacher dreamed them up to enliven Vocabulary Day. Tom Swift was of course a youthful inventor in juvenile fiction, beginning in 1910 with "Tom Swift and His Motor Cycle"…and soon came "Tom Swift and His Aerial Warship," 'Tom Swift and His Photo Telephone"…we used to joke about "Tom Swift and His Electric Grandmother." 

But the series continued thru the years and new books are still published today. Baby Boomers might remember Tom Swift's Atomic Earth Blaster, Diving Seacopter, Triphibian Atomicar, Megascope Space Prober, and Ultrasonic Cycloplane. I heard they were going to do one with an his Automatomic Autosuggestive Subvibratory Superaccelerator, but ran out of space…no wait, that was from a 1944 science fiction story by Fredric Brown called the "The Yehudi Principle." Sorry 'bout that.

But to get to the point…in the opinion of some critics, series author Victor Appleton never met an adverb he didn't like, and that led to the Tom Swiftie formula: I need a pencil sharpener, said Tom bluntly. Nay, said Tom hoarsely. Is the doctor ready to see me, asked Tom patiently. Our boat is sinking, said Tom balefully. 

And the puns got worse and worse. My oar is broken, said Tom robustly. I have no recollection of the last 24 hours, said Tom lackadaisically. Is this Japan or China, asked Tom, disoriented. I'll never be a realtor, moaned Tom listlessly. I have multiple personalities, said Tom, frank and earnest. This just doesn't add up, said Tom, nonplussed.  They had to amputate at the ankles, said Tom, defeated. This is mutiny, admitted Tom bountifully. And then you lose some, said Tom winsomely. Ouch!

I manufacture tabletops, said Tom counterproductively. My EKG came out OK, said Tom wholeheartedly. Send that SOS again, said Tom remorsefully. A steamroller can't hurt me, Tom flatly denied. We're off to Scotland, said Tom clandestinely. Think about the number between 7 and 9, Tom suggested considerately. That is one ugly beast, said Tom hypocritically. 

But you didn't really need an adverb per se: There goes my hat, cried Tom off the top of his head. I will not finish in 5th place, Tom held forth. Don't add too much water, said Tom with great concentration. The average frequency of my voice is 160 Hz, said Tom in measured tones. Yeah, they could get pretty elaborate! 

Or you could do it with just the verb: Keep the fires burning, Tom bellowed. I'm dying, Tom croaked. I fixed your pipes, Tom rejoined. Save the whales, Tom spouted. The sun is rising, mourned Tom. And other folks got into the act: If we're going to Oz, let's hit the road, Auntie Em barked. Well, OK, there were a million of them…probably my favorite was inspired by those pipes Tom fixed: Your fly is open, was Tom's zippy rejoinder. 

I googled Tom Swiftie and came up with 94 thousand hits, so they still have a few fans. And then there were Shaggy Dog Stories…but that's a tail for another column. In the meantime, if you can't get Stolf and Cool Daddy the old-fashioned way, over the air…try the internet at 1340WMSA.com. Blogs daily at stolf.wordpress.com and twice a week at deepfriedhoodsiecups.wordpress.com. And hope to see you at the Ogdensburg Boys and Girls Club Expo! Till next time, rock on, said Stolf, taking it for granite. 

Beach Boys Hit or Myth (4CE reprint Feb. 2012)

Beach Boys Hit or Myth

The group's original name was Kenny and the Cadets. You'll often hear this said…it's essentially a myth, although the explanation is a bit complicated. The group Brian Wilson formed in high school with his brothers Dennis and Carl, and cousin Mike Love was called Carl and the Passions. (Mike's mother was the brothers' Aunt Emily, sister of their father Murry.) Brian came up with that name to entice Carl to join…he was more interested in cars and girls than music. By the time they made their first studio recordings in the fall of 1961, at the small Los Angeles record company Candix, their name was the Pendletones, after their favorite brand of shirts, Pendleton…plaid shirts, not the vertically striped ones they would make famous. When they got the first 45s of their song "Surfin'," they were surprised to discover they were now the Beach Boys. Candix promo man Russ Regan explained that label owner and producer of the record Hite Morgan instructed him to "change the name to something more commercial." 

But it hardly mattered…when they first heard their record played on the radio, while driving down Hawthorne Avenue in Brian's 1957 Ford, Dennis recalled: "Nothing could ever top the look on Brian's face, it was the biggest high ever…and Carl was so excited he threw up." So where did Kenny and the Cadets come in?

While at the Candix studio, Hite Morgan asked the group to add vocals to the instrumental tracks of 2 songs his son Bruce had written, which had been recorded by other musicians. Their mother Audree Wilson added her voice as well, and these were released in 1962..."Barbie" backed with "What Is a Young Girl Made Of?" So it's the Beach Boys singing, but not playing…and in any event, it was never the official name of the group, just a name on a record label.

Brian Wilson recorded in mono because he was deaf in one ear…A half-truth if there ever was one. Brian is indeed almost completely deaf in his right ear. Depending on who tells it, this was either a condition from birth, or because of a beating from his father. But he recorded in mono because everybody did. Stereo records had been invented to recreate the left-to-right sweep of a symphony orchestra…as a practical matter, stereo wasn't really relevant to pop music. Consider the Beatles: early on they recorded on 2 tracks, music on one, vocals on the other, then mixed them to mono and went home. It was up to the engineers to put together the stereo mixes, which is why they had that weird half-and-half sound…vocals in one speaker, music in the other…prompting Capital to invent "Duophonic," boosting highs in one channel, lows in the other, nicknamed "fake stereo."

Beach Boy stereo mixes were better, since Brian recorded to 3 tracks…but up until the mid-1960s, his concept of a song's ultimate sound was meant to be mono, "all in one place," again with an engineer determining the stereo separation. This explains for example why in the instrumental break of the song "Wendy," you can hear someone cough. The cough is buried deep in the mono mix and hence inaudible, but it's clear as day in the stereo mix. Why was it left in? Probably an oversight that nobody thought worth fixing…after all, mono records far outsold stereo at the time, and pop music in those days was thought to be almost as disposable as newspapers…kids would listen to records till they got tired of them, then buy new ones.

And that's why if you really pay attention, you'll hear mistakes on all kinds of records, from the Beatles to the Supremes, and everyone in between. Warning: newer CD stereo mixes of "Wendy" edit out the cough…spoilsports!

The Beach Boys recorded a version of the Beatle's "A Day in the Life"…That's a blooper you'll encounter from time to time…confusing it with the Brian Wilson song "A Day in the Life of a Tree" from their 1971 LP "Surf's Up." They did record 3 Beatles tunes on their 1965 "Party" LP…"I Should Have Known Better," "Tell Me Why," and "You've Got To Hide Your Love Away." The Beatles returned the favor with their Beach Boys spoof "Back in the U.S.S.R." John Lennon wrote it in early 1968, while in India with the Maharishi…but Mike Love was also at the ashram, and suggested to John that it would sound more like the Beach Boys if he put in lyrics about girls…like from Georgia and the Ukraine…and John was happy to oblige. 

The Beatles, minus Ringo but plus Donovan, even performed the impromptu "Happy Birthday, Michael Love," done with a Chuck Berry beat, on his 27th birthday, March 15th. Mike preserved the song on a cassette tape…debuted it on a radio show in 1976…and it's been hitting the bootleg circuit ever since. But this brings up an interesting point: most of the top artists were more buddies than rivals,…which is why on the 1964 LP "In Concert," the Beach Boys perform "Little Old Lady from Pasadena"…it was all about pleasing their fans, not "our songs" versus "their songs." And of course, Brian wrote songs for Jan and Dean, although not that one...and the duo was an opening act for some of the Beach Boys live shows.

Glen Campbell was a Beach Boy…He certainly was, in every way except "officially." Instrumentally, the Beach Boys could hold their own live on stage, but Brian was a perfectionist, so for studio recordings he often brought in others…like Glen Campbell to supplement Carl's guitar work. Glen was a member of the so-called "Wrecking Crew," a group of studio musicians who performed on hundreds of recordings…did you know for example that the piano bit at the end of the Tijuana Brass' "A Taste of Honey" is played by Leon Russell? 

So when an anxiety attack forced Brian to stop touring in late 1964, Glen was the natural choice to take his place. On stage he played bass and sang high harmonies. But after about a year, his own budding career as a singer prompted his replacement by Bruce Johnston. And actually, the precise Beach Boys lineup in the earliest days is often misunderstood…13-year old David Marks was not an original member as is often supposed.

The Pendletones that recorded for Candix consisted of the 3 Wilson brothers, Michael Love, and their high school buddy Al Jardine (the one who looked like a Kennedy!) But Jardine's first love was folk music, so by the time they signed with Capitol Records in April of 1962, he'd quit and been replaced by Marks, who lived across the street from the Wilsons, and often jammed on guitar with Carl. Marks played on the first 4 Beach Boys LPs, and in over 100 concerts and TV appearances. Then in the spring of 1963, Al Jardine returned to temporarily replace Brian Wilson on the road…but Brian was back on stage by October, replacing Marks who quit over disagreements with their manager, the brothers' father Murry Wilson. 

Marks, along with  Mark Groseclose, a drummer who filled in several times for Dennis on stage, formed the group the Marksmen, and released one of the first 45s on Herb Alpert's A&M records, co-produced by Russ Regan, that Candix promo man who re-named the Beach Boys. Jeepers, was everything back in the day connected to everything else? Yeah, pretty much!

And speaking of who's related to who, got a genealogy question? Send it to stolf@hotmail.com, then watch for the answer Sundays on "Genealogy for Baby Boomers" at deepfriedhoodsiecups.wordpress.com. Don't forget the daily blog at stolf.wordpress.com…and Cool Daddy tries to steal the show weekdays 3-7pm on 1340 WMSA. Till next time, be true to your school, get some help from Rhonda, and rock on!

Rock n Roll Hit or Myth (4CE reprint Jan. 2012)

Stolf's Oldies… jan 2012

Rock & Roll Hit or Myth  

Buddy Holly's signature eyeglasses were just for show. A myth...in fact, Holly didn't want to wear glasses, fearing it would detract from his rebel image. But he had horrible eyesight...a guitar pick dropped on stage was lost forever. And he couldn't tolerate contacts for more than a few hours. Of course in the 1950s, they were quite primitive, covering almost the entire eyeball. But according to an article in the Wall Street Journal last month, his vision in both eyes was 20/800. 

Now if you can only read the top line of the standard chart, your vision is 20/200. That's the threshold for legal blindness, but only if your corrected vision is no better than that. Buddy's vision was correctable…but how bad exactly is 20/800? If your visual acuity goes off the standard chart, they'll use the CF method...count fingers…as in ”How many am I holding up?” If you can see the fingers at 10 feet, but not 11 feet, you're 20/800. This scale goes all the way up to 20/8000, meaning you can't count fingers any further away than a foot. 

So according to J. Davis Armistead, Holly's Lubbock, Texas optometrist…who is still alive at age 96... the plan was for Buddy to wear the most “boring,” nondescript frames available. He found them with the “everyman” glasses Phil Silvers wore on TV as Sgt. Bilko, and offered Buddy a choice of black or brown. He chose black, and that was that. Iconsville.

The Beach Boys recorded a song written by Charles Manson. Strange but true, a harrowing sidebar to the history of our music. After his release from prison in 1967, having spent more than half his life behind bars, Charles Manson gravitated to the hippie scene in San Francisco, then Los Angeles. While in jail, he had learned to play the guitar from Alvin "Creepy" Karpis of the Ma Barker gang, and he was convinced he could be "twice as big as the Beatles." Opinions varied, but some really liked his songs, including Neil Young and Dennis Wilson of the Beach Boys. It was Dennis who took him in for a recording session and also let Manson and his followers crash, and trash, his mansion. 

One song Dennis especially liked was called "Cease to Exist." He changed the line to "cease to resist," retitled the song "Never Learn Not to Love," and it came out on the Beach Boy LP "20/20" in 1968. Despite the typical Beach Boys sheen, it's not much of a song, altho again, some people seem to really like its weird intensity. But by this time, the friendship was souring. In exchange for giving up writing credits, Manson was given cash and sent packing. Within a year, well, you know what happened. But if you sample a few Manson songs on YouTube, he wasn't that bad a singer. In fact, if all you've ever heard from him is the rambling prison interviews that come out from time to time, you'd hardly believe it was the same person…which I guess was the scary part... 

The Beatles never recorded a Christmas record.  Half-way between a hit and a myth. Relatively few Top 40 artists recorded Christmas LPs back in the day…most that did are legendary: the Beach Boys, the Supremes, Paul Revere and the Raiders, the Four Seasons, the Royal Guardsmen, the Ventures, and of course Elvis. Others recorded Christmas 45s...like Simon and Garfunkel, the Blues Magoos, Canned Heat, Elton John, the Kinks, Bob Seger (“Sock it to Me, Santa” from 1966). But far more never did, and the Beatles can be included in that group...well, sort of. What the Beatles did do was issue flexible plastic “Christmas Greetings” discs to their fan club members at the end of each year, and these contained unfinished Christmassy song fragments, sounding more like demos or jam sessions.

The best-known is “Christmas Time Is Here Again” from 1967, mainly because a complete 6-minute version has been circulating on bootlegs for ages. Back in 1995, when Capitol Records emptied out their Beatles vault for the Anthology series, a shortened version came out as the flip side of "Free As a Bird." So technically, it can be considered the Beatles' Christmas song...altho it's really no more than a chant set to music, repeated over and over. And of course, it wasn't generally available, nor played on the radio, when the Beatles were a real group in the Sixties, so you make the call.

Tommy James & the Shondells had connections to organized crime.  A hit, no pun intended (none taken)…at least to the extent that their label Roulette Records was indeed a front for the Genovese crime family, involved in money laundering and other unsavory sidelights. In his recent book "Me, the Mob, and the Music," Tommy James lays it all out…and this isn't some sensationalized memoir, blown out of proportion to sell copies. If anything, James and the band weren't fully aware at the time just how dangerous their "bosses" really were, these Italian businessmen with names like Fat Tony Salerno and Vincent "The Chin" Gigante. They knew something was "up," but they were naive young pop stars, and it's probably just as well that they were as oblivious as they were to the "business" end of it all. 

But another interesting revelation is that the “Crimson and Clover" we all know and love was actually an unfinished version, what's called a "rough mix." James had intended it to be much more elaborate, but when he played it for a Chicago DJ…and it ended up being played on the air all over the country, swapped around from radio station to radio station…Roulette decided to release it just as it was, much to Tommy's consternation. He says that at the time, he hated the released version, but has come to think that "it isn't really so bad." I agree with him!

The Rolling Stones made a TV commercial for Corn Flakes. Not so much a myth as a mistake, because in 1963 they did write and record a 30 second jingle for Kellogg's Rice Krispies. It went: "Wake up in the morning there's a Snap around the place / Wake up in the morning there's a Crackle in your face / Wake up in the morning there's a Pop that really says: Rice Krispies for you and you and you…" They do not appear in the commercial, just the recording, being judged on a "Juke Box Jury"-type panel show. Look for it as a CD bonus track…it's out there!

Where Corn Flakes do come in is the fact that “Good Morning, Good Morning” on the Beatles "Sgt. Pepper" LP was inspired by Kellogg's “The Best to You Each Morning” jingle on TV at the time, both in the US and UK. And yes, the Who really recorded a commercial for Coca Cola, and the Yardbirds did one for Great Shakes powdered mix…seriously. 

And it looks like a "hit"…Thanks for all the nice comments I've received on my 3-7 afternoon show on 1340 WMSA in Massena. Catch the blogs at stolf.wordpress.com and deepfriedhoodsiecups.wordpress.com. Haven't been any new podcasts in a while at stolfpod.podbean.com, but there are over 50 old ones that are pretty cool, according to Cool Daddy...and old Fourth Coast Entertainment columns are at travelingcyst.blogspot.com. Till next time, let a smile be your umbrella…you'll be happy…and wet…and rock on! 

Ask Santa Daddy (4CE reprint Dec. 2011)

Ask Cool Santa Daddy


Last year in December's column, we uncovered the truth behind several Christmas "myths"…how the "plums" in plum pudding are actually raisins…that the "calling birds" in the "12 Days of Christmas" are really "collie birds" or blackbirds…why those 12 Days do NOT include Christmas Day itself…that poinsettias are not poisonous…who those "mystery kids" are in "A Charlie Brown Christmas"…and how the reindeer Donder was renamed Donner. If you're interested, the entire article is archived, along with other older columns, at travelingcyst.blogspot.com. Those are some of the major Yuletide misconceptions, but there are other points of confusion, and this month, Cool Daddy will address some of those…

Dear Cool Santa Daddy: I know the hemlock is an evergreen…occasionally used as a Christmas tree…I've even seen "pre-lit" artificial hemlocks…but even if poinsettias aren't poisonous, surely hemlock trees must be! 

You're right in saying that the hemlock is sometimes used at Christmas time. The most popular Christmas trees are the firs, including the sweet-smelling balsam. Pines are second, again for their wonderful fragrance, and both pines and firs hold their needles for a long time…a major consideration now that the season lasts 6 weeks instead of the 2 or 3 it did when we were kids. That is the reason spruces and hemlocks are not as popular as they once were…poor needle retention. Another popular all-around choice is the Douglas Fir, which is not a true fir…at times it has been classified as a pine, fir, spruce, and its Latin name pseudotsuga means "false hemlock."

But as to the question of the hemlock's toxicity, it is as safe as any of the other evergreens. There are several highly poisonous hemlock herbs…"poison hemlock" which is closely related to parsley, and what killed Socrates…and "water hemlock," a member of the carrot family. The hemlock tree is so-named only because its smell is similar to crushed poison hemlock leaves


Dear Cool Santa Daddy: My dumb cousin tried to tell me that Santa actually lives at the South Pole, not the North Pole, and this had something to do with the Earth's magnetic field, but I couldn't understand what he was talking about, and then my other cousin threatened to beat him up, so he just stopped talking about it. Do you know anything about this? 

Well, wherever Santa lives, he doesn't want you guys fighting, so I hope things have calmed down. But yes, I do know a little about what your cousin was driving at. Keep in mind that "true" north and "magnetic" north are not in the same place…the "top" end of the our planet's magnetic field is located in the northern islands of Canada, about 400 miles from the actual North Pole, which is right on the top of the globe, obviously.

And Santa really does live at the North Pole, up by Canada, Greenland, and Russia, and not at the South Pole, which is in Antarctica, so rest assured on that point. The confusion is simply a matter of definition. When a bar magnet is used as a compass, it is aligns itself with the Earth's magnetic field. The problem is, the end that points north is defined as the north pole or end of the magnet. And since opposites attract, what the north end of a magnet is attracted to would be the south end of another magnet or magnetic field. Thus, what's located geographically in the north is by definition the south pole of the Earth's magnetic field, even if it's called the North Magnetic Pole. If you don't get it, that's fine…Santa still loves you…and your cousins too, trust me. But no fighting, OK?

Dear Cool Santa Daddy: Is it true that mistletoe is a parasitic plant, and it's lucky for the trees involved if we harvest it to use for decoration and smooching?

Yes and no. It's certainly true that the mistletoe plant is a parasite, but it's a pretty poor parasite that kills it's host, and for the most part that's not how Mother Nature works. Mistletoe is relatively harmless to a tree in good overall health, altho it will hasten the demise of an otherwise diseased tree. But just remember: What happens under the mistletoe stays under the mistletoe!


Dear Cool Santa Daddy: Is it true that in Canada they once had to destroy millions of postage stamps because they misspelled "Christmas"? 

Embarrassing but true, although the misspelled word was "Noël." It happened in November of 1992, when it was noticed that some 60 million stamps had been printed with the "double dots"…a diacritical or accent mark known as a "diaeresis"…over the O instead of the E. In English, this symbol is used to indicate that the second of 2 vowels is to be pronounced separately from the first. Although you seldom see it today, it was once correctly used with such words as coöperation, zoölogy, naïve, the names Chloë and Zoë, and the star constellation Boötes. It was also occasionally used to indicate a vowel was not silent, as with the final E of the sisters Brontë. But it always appears over the second vowel, not the first. Apparently somebody at Canada Post thought it looked more festive over the O…oops!


Dear Cool Santa Daddy: Ever since we were kids, my sister has said that reindeer are a kind of elk. I think she's full of beans, but she just won't give in…what say you?

It's clear that your sister has confused elk with caribou…aha!…and after a lifetime of doing so, is reluctant to admit her mistake.When we were kids, we called elk "wapiti" which is one Indian name for them. But here's the dear truth about the deer in question: Reindeer are a domesticated form of caribou…both are found in Scandinavia, Siberia, Alaska, and Canada. In prehistoric times, the caribou was found as far south as Nevada and Tennessee, and Spain in Europe. Reindeer are somewhat smaller than wild caribou, and are used for their meat, milk, hide, antlers, and as a draft animal. That's right: reindeer steaks, burgers, and meatballs, instead of cow. Sorry, Rudolph. Reindeer and caribou are unique among deer in that both sexes have antlers.

Elk are the second largest deer next to the moose….or the largest if you consider moose too different to be called a deer. The elk was long considered a subspecies of the smaller European red deer, but recent DNA analysis has established it as a separate species. Elk are found only in North America, and typically will weight twice as much as a reindeer or caribou, up to half a ton.


And I realize it has nothing to do with Christmas, but the odd thing is that there is a breed of dog called the Norwegian Elkhound…or "Norsk Elghund"…but no elk there. That's because the word "elk" is derived from the German "elch," Spanish "alce," and French "elan." All these words describe the European moose, which is smaller than the American variety. Encountering the elk in the New World, explorers called it "elk," or in their minds "moose." When they discovered the actual North American moose, they gave it an Indian name, "moose." But neither the moose nor the elk is a caribou, although the reindeer is.


On a personal note, Stolf is back on the radio, on 1340 WMSA in Massena, weekdays for the drive home from work, 3-7pm. Check the WMSA website for internet listening. Despite the sudden reduction in free time, the daily blogs continue unfettered and unsullied at stolf.wordpress.com and deepfriedhoodsiecups.wordpress.com. Until next time, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and Rock On! 

Blazing Saddles (4CE reprint Nov. 2011)

10 things you didn't know about Blazing Saddles

Mel Brooks' first 2 movies, "The Producers" and "The Twelve Chairs" were hits with the critics, but at the box office, not so much. Their offbeat combination of cerebral comedy and old-fashioned slapstick didn't catch the public's fancy. So for outing #3, Mel chose to go with a gut-punch…"bathroom" humor and salty language, what used to be called "sophomoric," and laid on super thick. No holds barred, nothing and no one spared…to put it mildly: "unsubtle." The result was the greatest Western spoof of all time, and if cynics saw this as throwing in the towel, movie-goers responded: Please, more towels!

Here are 10 things perhaps you didn't know about "Blazing Saddles."

1)  Sheriff Who?…The original concept came from novelist and fledgling screenwriter Andrew Bergman. (He would go on to write and/or direct such hits as "Fletch," "Soapdish," "The Freshman, "Striptease" and many more.) His offbeat idea was to plunk a modern-day Black Militant down in the middle of the old Wild West…his draft was titled "Tex X," referencing of course Malcolm X. Mel thought "Black Bart" sounded better, but the ultimate title came to him, says he, while in the shower. And not for nothing, but did you ever notice the initials of "Blazing Saddles"? 

2)  No Star for You…After his first 2 movies were practically one-man efforts, Mel longed for the collaborative days he spent writing for "Your Show of Shows" in the 1950s…among his cohorts had been Neil Simon & Carl Reiner. Thus he recruited a group of writers, including Bergman, and a young comic he admired, Richard Pryor, who then seemed the obvious choice to play Black Bart…Mel had at first considered James Earl Jones. But he soon discovered that with Pryor's reputation for drug use, and the nature of his standup material, no one in Hollywood would bankroll the project. Thus Pryor remained a writer, and the lead went to Cleavon Little. But one story Mel remembered from the good old days lead to…

3)  Punching a Gift Horse in the Head…Sid Caesar, besides being screamingly funny, was also apparently a very violent person. As he recounts in his 1982 autobiography, he was once trail-riding when his wife Imogene Coca's horse began giving her trouble. After she dismounted, he faced the recalcitrant steed…and proceeded to coldcock it between the eyes, knocking it senseless. Oh, really? Well, that's what he says, and Mel had heard the story when it supposedly happened, inspiring the famous scene where Mongo (Alex Karras) does the same.

4) Woof!…Ever wonder what the Indians are saying in Yiddish? Chief Mel and 2 braves trot over to the wagon on their pinto ponies…Mel gives them the once-over, and yes, that is Rodney Allen Rippy, of "Take Life a Little Easier (Jack in the Box Theme)" fame: "Schwartze! (Blacks!)" The braves threaten them with tomahawk and spear, but Mel says: "Na, na, seit nicht meshugge. (No, no, don’t be crazy.)" Then comes Mel’s famous shout, which I always thought was a call to prayer or something, but it’s not that. "Los’ im gehen!! (Let them go!) Cop a walk, it’s alright!" They say thank you and start to move off. "A wie Gesund! (Take care…literally…Stay healthy.) Take off. Hast du gesehen in deine Leben? (Have you ever seen anything like that in your life?) They darker then us! Woof!"

Now "lassen ihn gehen" as I said means literally “let them go.” Pronounced “loz im gain” or sometimes by Gentiles “lossum game,” it’s carny slang, and means: "Quit fleecing the rube, cut the game short, that’s the Sheriff’s son, what are you nuts?" In general, people wouldn’t know what it meant...but there’s a story told about it being said, and the mark, who was Jewish, commenting: “So why didn’t you lossum game me $50 bucks ago?”

5)  A Real Gassss…Mel's Governor Le Petomane is named after Joseph Pujols who performed under that name at Paris's Moulin Rouge in the late 1800s. His act was, honest to goodness, flatulence…punctuating stories with various "sound effects," doing melodies, even blowing out candles. And he was a huge hit. Suffice to say, Chapter 3 of his short biography published in 1985 is titled: "Muscular Control Astonishes the French Doctors."  Mel also has a cameo in the outlaw recruitment line wearing an aviator's costume. And he does a couple of voices…I won't tell you which, but if it sounds like him, it probably is. In the church scenes, watch for Gene Wilder's future wife Gilda Radner, and Mel's wife Anne Bancroft. 

6) Oh You Wacky Kid..The Waco Kid was originally seen as an older character…Dan Dailey was first on board, but was to ill to proceed. Johnny Carson (!!) was asked and refused. Scenes were actually filmed with Gig Young, but he really was drunk and later that day collapsed on the set. The "OK, you win" call went out to Gene Wilder, who had originally wanted the part, but Mel saw him more in the Hedley Lamarr role, to which Gene had said "No thanks." Funny how things turn out sometimes. 

7) Honey, I Shrunk Rock Ridge…As was bound to happen, a TV pilot was filmed…but if there was ever a movie that couldn't translate to the small screen, "Blazing Saddles" has to be it. Still, they tried. It was pretty much all Andrew Bergman, with virtually no input from Mel. It was called "Black Bart," with Lou Gossett Jr. and Steve Landesberg in the lead roles. CBS aired it quietly in 1975, over and out. It also featured obnoxious child actor Poindexter Yothers,  brother of Tina "Family Ties" Yothers. For good measure it's included as a bonus on the DVD.

8)  Steady, Pilgrim…John Wayne was approached to make a cameo appearance. After reading the script, he had to decline, as he couldn't appear in a movie that, um, rambunctious, saying: "But I'll be the first in line to see it!"

9) A Torch Song to Light the Way…Mel wrote the title theme and advertised in the trade papers for a "Frankie Laine type" to sing it…instead, the real deal showed up. The story is that Frankie didn't know the movie was a comedy, and Mel didn't want to tell him. Now I suppose that's plausible…the lyrics are written pretty much straight…the only hint that something might be amiss: "He made his blazing saddle a torch to light the way!" OK, in hindsight, the dude's rig is on fire, but it could have simply meant that it was festooned with glittering gold folderol that reflected the blazing noonday sun, right? Still, you think Frankie Laine didn't know what he was getting into with Mel Brooks, for gosh sakes?

10) And Don't Call Me "Shirley"…But let's face it, Mel Brooks is full of stories. He claims that actress Hedy Lamarr threatened to sue over his naming Harvey Korman's character "Hedley Lamarr," and they settled out of court. What I say is: Why try to track this one down and spoil the fun? Trouble is, it fits a little too neatly with the scene where Hedley bristles when Le Petomane gets his name wrong, but the Governor says: "What are you worried about? This is 1874. You'll be able to sue her!" Anyway, Mel says he was flattered that she noticed. 

    

More groovy stuff from Stolf daily at stolf.wordpress.com and deepfriedhoodsiecups.wordpress.com…and till next month, rock on, doo-dah! doo-dah!