Ask Santa Daddy (4CE reprint Dec. 2011)

Ask Cool Santa Daddy


Last year in December's column, we uncovered the truth behind several Christmas "myths"…how the "plums" in plum pudding are actually raisins…that the "calling birds" in the "12 Days of Christmas" are really "collie birds" or blackbirds…why those 12 Days do NOT include Christmas Day itself…that poinsettias are not poisonous…who those "mystery kids" are in "A Charlie Brown Christmas"…and how the reindeer Donder was renamed Donner. If you're interested, the entire article is archived, along with other older columns, at travelingcyst.blogspot.com. Those are some of the major Yuletide misconceptions, but there are other points of confusion, and this month, Cool Daddy will address some of those…

Dear Cool Santa Daddy: I know the hemlock is an evergreen…occasionally used as a Christmas tree…I've even seen "pre-lit" artificial hemlocks…but even if poinsettias aren't poisonous, surely hemlock trees must be! 

You're right in saying that the hemlock is sometimes used at Christmas time. The most popular Christmas trees are the firs, including the sweet-smelling balsam. Pines are second, again for their wonderful fragrance, and both pines and firs hold their needles for a long time…a major consideration now that the season lasts 6 weeks instead of the 2 or 3 it did when we were kids. That is the reason spruces and hemlocks are not as popular as they once were…poor needle retention. Another popular all-around choice is the Douglas Fir, which is not a true fir…at times it has been classified as a pine, fir, spruce, and its Latin name pseudotsuga means "false hemlock."

But as to the question of the hemlock's toxicity, it is as safe as any of the other evergreens. There are several highly poisonous hemlock herbs…"poison hemlock" which is closely related to parsley, and what killed Socrates…and "water hemlock," a member of the carrot family. The hemlock tree is so-named only because its smell is similar to crushed poison hemlock leaves


Dear Cool Santa Daddy: My dumb cousin tried to tell me that Santa actually lives at the South Pole, not the North Pole, and this had something to do with the Earth's magnetic field, but I couldn't understand what he was talking about, and then my other cousin threatened to beat him up, so he just stopped talking about it. Do you know anything about this? 

Well, wherever Santa lives, he doesn't want you guys fighting, so I hope things have calmed down. But yes, I do know a little about what your cousin was driving at. Keep in mind that "true" north and "magnetic" north are not in the same place…the "top" end of the our planet's magnetic field is located in the northern islands of Canada, about 400 miles from the actual North Pole, which is right on the top of the globe, obviously.

And Santa really does live at the North Pole, up by Canada, Greenland, and Russia, and not at the South Pole, which is in Antarctica, so rest assured on that point. The confusion is simply a matter of definition. When a bar magnet is used as a compass, it is aligns itself with the Earth's magnetic field. The problem is, the end that points north is defined as the north pole or end of the magnet. And since opposites attract, what the north end of a magnet is attracted to would be the south end of another magnet or magnetic field. Thus, what's located geographically in the north is by definition the south pole of the Earth's magnetic field, even if it's called the North Magnetic Pole. If you don't get it, that's fine…Santa still loves you…and your cousins too, trust me. But no fighting, OK?

Dear Cool Santa Daddy: Is it true that mistletoe is a parasitic plant, and it's lucky for the trees involved if we harvest it to use for decoration and smooching?

Yes and no. It's certainly true that the mistletoe plant is a parasite, but it's a pretty poor parasite that kills it's host, and for the most part that's not how Mother Nature works. Mistletoe is relatively harmless to a tree in good overall health, altho it will hasten the demise of an otherwise diseased tree. But just remember: What happens under the mistletoe stays under the mistletoe!


Dear Cool Santa Daddy: Is it true that in Canada they once had to destroy millions of postage stamps because they misspelled "Christmas"? 

Embarrassing but true, although the misspelled word was "Noël." It happened in November of 1992, when it was noticed that some 60 million stamps had been printed with the "double dots"…a diacritical or accent mark known as a "diaeresis"…over the O instead of the E. In English, this symbol is used to indicate that the second of 2 vowels is to be pronounced separately from the first. Although you seldom see it today, it was once correctly used with such words as coöperation, zoölogy, naïve, the names Chloë and Zoë, and the star constellation Boötes. It was also occasionally used to indicate a vowel was not silent, as with the final E of the sisters Brontë. But it always appears over the second vowel, not the first. Apparently somebody at Canada Post thought it looked more festive over the O…oops!


Dear Cool Santa Daddy: Ever since we were kids, my sister has said that reindeer are a kind of elk. I think she's full of beans, but she just won't give in…what say you?

It's clear that your sister has confused elk with caribou…aha!…and after a lifetime of doing so, is reluctant to admit her mistake.When we were kids, we called elk "wapiti" which is one Indian name for them. But here's the dear truth about the deer in question: Reindeer are a domesticated form of caribou…both are found in Scandinavia, Siberia, Alaska, and Canada. In prehistoric times, the caribou was found as far south as Nevada and Tennessee, and Spain in Europe. Reindeer are somewhat smaller than wild caribou, and are used for their meat, milk, hide, antlers, and as a draft animal. That's right: reindeer steaks, burgers, and meatballs, instead of cow. Sorry, Rudolph. Reindeer and caribou are unique among deer in that both sexes have antlers.

Elk are the second largest deer next to the moose….or the largest if you consider moose too different to be called a deer. The elk was long considered a subspecies of the smaller European red deer, but recent DNA analysis has established it as a separate species. Elk are found only in North America, and typically will weight twice as much as a reindeer or caribou, up to half a ton.


And I realize it has nothing to do with Christmas, but the odd thing is that there is a breed of dog called the Norwegian Elkhound…or "Norsk Elghund"…but no elk there. That's because the word "elk" is derived from the German "elch," Spanish "alce," and French "elan." All these words describe the European moose, which is smaller than the American variety. Encountering the elk in the New World, explorers called it "elk," or in their minds "moose." When they discovered the actual North American moose, they gave it an Indian name, "moose." But neither the moose nor the elk is a caribou, although the reindeer is.


On a personal note, Stolf is back on the radio, on 1340 WMSA in Massena, weekdays for the drive home from work, 3-7pm. Check the WMSA website for internet listening. Despite the sudden reduction in free time, the daily blogs continue unfettered and unsullied at stolf.wordpress.com and deepfriedhoodsiecups.wordpress.com. Until next time, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and Rock On!