You Might Be a Baby Boomer If...

YOU MIGHT BE A BABY BOOMER IF.....

....you paid more for your last car than your first house.

....you wonder how that comic book company ended up making computers. (Sorry, it's a different Dell!)

....you say "a couple of years ago", and it turns out it was 15 years. (Or maybe even 20...)

....you remember Formosa. (Kids, it's now called Taiwan.)

....you didn't have the benefit of Viagra; the best you could do was Vitalis.

....you remember why the sides of double albums were numbered 1-4 and 2-3, instead of 1-2 and 3-4. (Forgot? It was so they'd play in the right order when stacked on the spindle of an automatic play record-player.)

....you think "pre-paid" means you don't have to pay for it, because it's already been paid for. Duh. (And while we're on the subject, the next time they offer something "on demand", call 'em up and demand you get it for free. Isn't that what "demand" means?)

....you remember when Six Flags meant over Texas, not over everywhere

.

....and there was only one variety of Hershey's Kiss (instead of 497.)

....and carob was the next big thing, replacing chocolate. 

....and you once accidentally called your mother "man". (Ooops, sorry, man....I mean....)

....you know the difference between Peanuts Hucko and Peanuts Lowrey.

....you find it a sobering thought that John Lennon's son is a has-been

.

....you remember where you were when postage when from 4 to 5 cents. 

....you hear "Kinko's" and all you can think of is a perverted clown

.

....deep down  in your heart of hearts you know the ground CAN cause a fumble. That's the whole point: you're on the ground and you don't have the ball. You failed to DOWN the ball! El pelota libre! (And you throw something at the TV when someone scores one of those phony "nick the pylon" touchdowns.)

....you look at those before-and-after weight-loss ads, and the "before" appeals to you more than the "after."

....you remember when changing the channel was good exercise.

....you collected one or more of the following: match-book covers, milk-bottle caps, Christmas seals, troll dolls, miniature metal license plates, wire puzzles, political buttons, swizzle sticks, valentine cards, elongated pennies, or gum wrappers (which you then wove into gum wrapper chains, remember?)

....you realize that when they say "infra-structure", they mean "public utilities."

....the only time you were allowed to eat supper in the living room was when "The Wizard of Oz" was on.

....the only time you saw a golden retriever was on your Dad's "Field and Stream" calendar.

....there was a time when everyone you knew owned a frisbee.

....you ever drew on the entire Etch-a-Sketch screen to seen the mechanism underneath.

....you remember when you could smoke in your hospital bed. (I did it...still can't believe it.)

...you "ruined" your bicycle by retrofitting it with high-rise handle-bars and a banana seat. ("Ruin" was the word your parents used.)

....you go back to the days when the only man who wore an earring was Mr. Clean.

....you miss Fizzies, greenie caps, Quisp & Quake, space-wheels macaroni, Ayds diet candy, bubble pipes, suicide Coke, color-by-number, Corn Diggers, butterfly sleepers, Cocoa Marsh, Hamilton's Invaders, space food sticks, slot-cars, Odo-Ro-no, Flav-R straws, oleomargarine, Wink grapefruit soda, Beach-Nut Hot Shot gum, wiggle pictures, Sugar Chex, Testor's Pla enamel, the Teaberry Shuffle, and "What? No Bosco?"

....some or most of the following ring a bell (waaaaay off in the distance): David Suskind, Nani Darnell, Arnold Zenker, Fay Spain, Spain Musgrove, Jinx Falkenberg, Sir Monty Rock III, Snooky Lanson, Marlin Perkins, Gayla Peevey, Bash Kinnett, London Lee, Christine Jorgensen, Jon Gnagy, Penelope Tree, Pete Best, Freckles Brown,   Wyomia Tyus, Billie Sol Estes, Winky Dink, Irish McCalla, Sylva Koscina, Gabriel Heater, Christian Herter, Suzy Knickerbocker, Ersel Hickey, Cookie Gilchrist, Skeeter Davis, Duke Carmel, Mamie Van Doren, Monique Van Vooren, Big Daddy Roth, Little Iodine, Elmer Sneezeweed, Hector Heathcote, and Clyde Crashcup, not to mention Biggy Rat and Itchy Brother.

And, in the final analysis, you are very likely a Baby Boomer if you understand, as I do, that if they'd had genetic counseling back in 1950, you wouldn't be here. Till next time, rock on, geezer!