hit or myth? (4CE reprint may 2010)

You may have noticed I deleted all the "Baker's Dozen" columns. They are now a daily feature at Stolf's Blog, http://stolf.wordpress.com. Instead, I'll post some more reprints from "4th Coast Entertainment", viz....


Hit or Myth?


As a young man, Fidel Castro had a pitching tryout with the Washington Senators. One of the all-time great "what-if" rumors, but completely false. What makes it sound plausible is the fact that of the 47 Cubans who played in the majors from 1935-55, 31 spent time with the Senators. Owner Clark Griffith liked those low wages, so they say. Plus, Castro was big in baseball, soccer and track in college, but he graduated with a law degree, and worked early on as a lawyer. Everybody in Cuba knows he didn’t have the level of playing skills needed to be a pro, writes Yale Professor Roberto Gonzalez Echevarria in his history of Cuban baseball.

Soon after the revolution, Castro did pitch in an exhibition game with his team Los Barbudos ("The Bearded Ones.") According to "The Sporting News," he pitched one inning, and notched 2 K's, with help from the umpire: "When the arbiter called the batter out on a high, inside pitch, Castro dashed to the plate and shook hands with the ump." It's good to be the king.

Charles Manson auditioned to be a Monkee. Another oft-told myth bites the dust. It is well-documented that he was in prison at the time on a ten-year mail theft and forgery rap. Among the 437 hopefuls who did answer the ad in "Variety" was Stephen Stills. He recounts how they liked his overall looks, except for his crooked teeth and thinning hair. They asked if he knew anyone who looked like him, and he recommended a Greenwich Village buddy of his, Peter Tork!

Superman failed his army induction physical. A hit, although oddly enough, it didn't happen in the comic books. Closest we get is this note in Superman #25, Nov/Dec 1942: "Millions of Superman readers will recall that Clark Kent tried to enlist, but was rejected for faulty vision when his x-ray vision penetrated the eye-chart and read a different chart in the next room." This happened on Feb 18 1942, in the daily Superman newspaper strip.

Says a bewildered Clark: "There must be some mistake!...The Army doesn't want me?" The doc replies: "You're physically superb, except you're obviously blind as a bat...you muffed every line." Sure enough, the next panel shows how he x-rayed though the wall. But no worries: he realized, as the note says, he could "be of more value on the home front operating as a free agent."

Eddie Haskell of "Leave It To Beaver" grew up to be Alice Cooper. Total myth, although Alice himself is inadvertently to blame. Eddie was played by actor Ken Osmond, who grew up to be an L.A. cop (and not porn-star John Holmes, as another rumor has it.) In the late 60s, Vince Furnier and his band the Spiders were struggling, so they decided to take a more theatrical approach, with the new persona "Alice Cooper."

Publicity at the time claimed a ouija board told Vince he was the reincarnation of a 17th century witch by that name, but this was a complete fabrication. Today he says he just picked the name out of the air, because it sounded like "a sweet little girl with a hatchet behind her back." Aunt Bee's replacement on "Mayberry RFD", Alice Cooper, played by Alice Ghostly, is apparently just coincidence, as is the mother of Archie's friend Betty, also Alice Cooper.

But what launched the story was Vince's statement in an interview that as a kid he was Eddie Haskell. He meant that was his obnoxious personality, but it was taken literally. An interesting note on Eddie Haskell: in the pilot episode, the character, then named Frankie Bennett, was played by a young Harry Shearer, best know as Spinal Tap's bass-player, and for numerous voices on "The Simpsons." Wally was also played by a different actor, Paul Sullivan, as was Ward, Casey Adams.

Speaking of the Monkees, Jimi Hendryx was once their opening act. True! But what were they thinking? Well, what they were thinking was: Wow! This guy is good! The Monkees just wanted to watch & listen to him perform every night. For Jimi's part, he had 3 top-ten hits in England, but zip stateside, so he figured it'd be good exposure, despite having called the Monkees, in an printed interview several months earlier, "dishwater."

So he signed up for a summer tour in 1967, with predictable results. He's going "foxy...lady..." while the fans are screaming "Davy...Davy..." After half-a-dozen shows, he snapped, flipped the audience the bird, and stormed off the stage. The Monkees let him out of his contract, parting ways amicably. "Purple Haze" was just breaking over the horizon...


The lyrics to John Fred and the Playboy Band's "Judy in Disguise with Glasses" make no sense. This is a half-truth, because some of them actually do make sense. The group from Baton Rouge enjoyed regional success as a boogie-oriented bar band, and if you're looking for "new oldies," their greatest hits CD is highly recommended. "Judy" came about when John Fred Gourrier misheard the lyrics to "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" and the whole thing was meant as a goof, which nonetheless catapulted them to their 15 minutes of fame. They hated the song, but whutcha gonna do?

Some of the lyrics have been deciphered: "Cross your heart with your living bra" of course refers to the Playtex advertising slogan. "A circus of horrors, that's what you are" is from a 1960 British horror movie by that name. More obscure is the line: "Keep wearing your bracelets and your raras." That's how you'll see the lyrics listed, but it should be spelled "rah-rahs." It was slang in the South 2-tone Oxford shoes, the kind cheerleaders wore. Up north we called them saddle shoes.

But the lines "a chimney sweep sparrow with guise [guys?]" and "you made me a life of ashes" really don't make any sense, if that's what he's really singing. The mystery is why someone doesn't just ask the dude. Also, you may read that John Fred's dad Fred Gourrier was a local celebrity, having played shortstop for the Detroit Tigers. What people don't realize is for 40 years there have been reference books that list everybody who ever played in the Majors, even if for just one game. Now it's all on-line, and if your name ain't there, game over. Turns out Fred was in the farm system, but never made it to The Show.

Postscript on the "Man from U.N.C.L.E." column... The internet says Del Floria, whose tailor shop in NYC "on a street in the East 40's" was the "agents' entrance," had no first name. Wrong! In "The Concrete Overcoat Affair," Mr. Waverly calls him "Bill." That's what happens when you buy the complete DVD set, a Christmas gift from me to me, and watch the whoooooole thing. Anyway, you saw it here first...till next time, rock on!