number please? (4CE reprint april 2009)

This month I got to thinking about something else that no longer exists: telephone exchange names. Famous ones like Manhattan's "BUtterfield 8", the title of a John O'Hara novel and subsequent movie starring Elizabeth Taylor. Glenn Miller's tune "PEnnsylvania 6-5000" was the number of the Pennsylvania Hotel; Bugs Bunny spoofed it in the cartoon "TRansylvania 6-5000." The Flintstones were almost named the Gladstones after an exchange in the Pacific Palisades section of Los Angeles. And who can forget MUrray Hill, the Ricardos' exchange on "I Love Lucy."

Others were fictitious, like the Marvelettes' "BEechwood 4-5789" (Columbus, Ohio did have BEachwood.) There was TIdewater 4-10-0-9, a non-existent Norfolk, Virginia number Chuck Berry calls in the song "Promised Land", although dialing 844 might have given the exact time, as it did in other cities. No actual exchange corresponded to the Partridge Family song "ECho Valley 2-6809", as far as we know; yes, there's a web-site that attempts to collect ALL the exchange names ever used, called the Telephone EXchange Number Project. A long-forgotten 50s private eye show called "COronado 9" was the exchange of Rod Cameron's character in San Diego, but it wasn't real. There is a suburb called Coronado, but they had HEnley 3 and HEmpstead 5.

I grew up north of Boston, and ours was SPring; neighboring towns had PIoneer, WAlker, TUcker, and JEfferson. Boston itself had dozens, a famous one immortalized in a radio jingle: "How many cookies did Andrew eat? Andrew ate eight thousand." For some reason this is remembered as an all-night drug store, but it was actually a carpet-cleaning company Adams & Swett, which still exists. "How do you keep your carpets neat? Call ANdrew 8-8000."

In the North Country, Massena had ROckwell, Potsdam = COlony, Morristown = DRake, Heuvelton = FIreside, Hammond and Madrid = DAvenport, Waddington and Norfolk = EVergreen, Norwood = FLeetwood. Canton's FT6 didn't stand for anything, what was called a "selected letter" exchange. Need to call Watertown? That would be SU2 or SU8, which stood for SUnset. Many communities, including Ogdensburg and Gouverneur, never had an exchange name, and for the reason, we need to know a little about the history of telephone numbers and how placing a call changed through the years.

Many people today think exchange names were just an easy way to remember numbers, but that was only part of it. An "exchange" was actually your local telephone company office or "central", where the switchboard operators and switching equipment were located. In the beginning, you jiggled the receiver hook to get the operator's attention, then told her the town and name of the person you wanted to call. As subscribers increased, they were assigned a number consisting of 1 to 4 digits. A letter following the number meant a party line, usually a W, J, M, or R.

But as time went on, it became clear the only efficient way to handle the enormous increase in phone usage was Direct Dialing, where the customer did all the work. To accomplish this, local numbers had to be standardized to 4 digits, then the locality pinpointed with an "exchange number", originally 2 digits long. This began around 1928. Bigger cities soon expanded to 3 digits, and eventually everyone did. Identifying them with a mnemonic word grew out of the habit of telling the operator the town you wanted; where possible, the name of the town became the exchange name. In cities large enough to have more than one exchange office, they were often identified by the street they were on, which is why many exchange names sounded like street names.

But the number of phone numbers that could be assigned with words was limited: 55, 57, 95, and 97 had no easy letter match. 1 was not used as an exchange number, not because it would one day indicate a long distance, but because of "dial-pull." With a rotary dial, the phone company equipment recognized a number by the number of "pulses" or interruptions in the current ("dial tone") it detected. Dialing a 3 for example interrupted the dial-tone 3 times: click-click-click. In fact, if your rotary dial ever stopped working, you could reach your party by tapping the cradle button where the receiver rested. 0 came after 9, and not before 1, because 0 was actually 10 clicks. But when you first picked up the receiver, a slight jiggle might make the switcher think you had dialed a 1 when you hadn't, so all leading 1's were considered "noise" and ignored.

Also, 0 could not be used, being reserved for contacting the operator. Some phones did have the letter Z with the 0: this stood for Zenith, which was used for toll-free numbers before 800 became standard. Interesting use of 0: remember the "Honeymooners" episode where Alice gets a baby-sitting job & Ralph thinks she's fooling around on him? ("Gee, I didn't know Davy Crockett was so FAT!") The phone number was originally BEnsonhurst 3-7741, but when this was found to be a working number, they went back and dubbed in BEnsonhurst 0, which wasn't.

Thus, by eliminating exchange names, All Digit Dialing freed up more possible number combinations, and this was the sole reason it was phased in, beginning in Wichita Falls, Texas in 1958. No, people didn't like it; one famous sign read "Give Me LIberty, or Take Out the Damn Phone!" (That's LIberty with a capital L-I.) Noted academic S. I. Hayakawa formed the Anti Digit Dialing League, and protest songs were recorded by Stan Freberg and Allan Sherman. But Ma Bell really didn't have a choice. They needed more numbers!

Ogdensburg didn't convert to Direct Dialing until after the All Digit switch had begun, so 393 wasn't assigned an exchange name. The phone company had issued a list of suggested names several years earlier, so the Maple City's exchange could have been EXeter 3, which sounds pretty cool to me. By this time, the North American Numbering Plan was being established to take operators out of the long distance dialing loop, and the whole process was repeated, this time with area codes. Big cities got numbers with low dial-pull, like 212 for New York and 312 for Chicago. Till next time, think about this: how come when you dial a wrong number, it's never busy?....and rock on!

ask cool daddy...(4CE reprint oct 2010)

Ask Cool Daddy...

Why doesn't Olive Oyl have breasts?

Well, sometimes she does. For example, in "Parlez Vous Woo," released in 1956, she's wearing a sleeveless gown and definitely has, um, definition. This cartoon is also interesting for having Bluto WITHOUT his beard (it's part of the plot.) But yes, typically Olive is extremely thin, so it looks like she doesn't. But she's a woman, she has breasts. After all, in the minimalist style of cartoon drawing, not everything is --- why am I explaining this to you? GROW UP! She has 'em. Blow me down.

On the Dick Van Dyke Show, what is Laura's Petrie's maiden name?

Mary Tyler Moore's character actually has 2 different maiden names: At first is was Meeker, her husband;'s last name at the time. After they divorced in 1961, it was changed to Meehan.This was standard operating procedure: consistency in details wasn't a high priority. Popular culture was throwaway culture, not intended to be around 40, 50 , 60 years later. Today you can get a college degree in it. Who knew?

Cool daddy, are you really part Polish?

Sort of. I'm half Pomeranian and half Dalmatian. As Stolf says, "You dog you!" Besides being canine breeds, both are old European states. Pomerania is now half in Germany, had in Poland. Dalmatia was a country on the Adriatic coast, pretty much where southern Croatia is now .Speaking of dogs, what were traditionally known as German Shepherds became very poplar after WW1 when American soldiers brought them home, especially with Strongheart and Rin Tin Tin in the movies. But for a time they were called Alsatians, and in the UK they still are, after Alsace, the French province bordering on Germany. For some, "German" was not politically correct; yeah, they had it back then, just didn't call it that.

I can't for the life of me remember where the phrase "And thats' the truth, pffffft!" comes from. Can you help?

But of course. Funny thing, though, it first flashed through my mind that it was Gilda Radner on "Saturday Night Live," but that's wrong. It was Lilly Tomlin's catch phrase, as Edith Ann on "Laugh-In." Gilda's character was Judy Miller, as in "The Judy Miller Show," and her Brownie uniform, remember? And before you ask, Emily Litella called Chevy Chase "Cheddar Cheese." That character was based on Gilda's childhood manny Elizabeth "Dibby" Gullies, who was a little deaf, big surprise.

I heard that on Hallowe'en you give out those dumb Dum Dum pops. So what's the story on the Mystery Flavor, just a random flavor?

Dum Dum pops were invented in 1924 in Akron, Ohio, and have made since 1953 by the Spangler Candy Co. They're great, are you insinuating otherwise? No treats for you, dummy. But as to your question, there are 2 stories floating around out there, both of which make sense. Story 1: When it's time to switch flavors, they don't shut a machine down just for that, so for a while the pops are made with a mix of the 2 flavors, until the old one is depleted. Those hybrids are set aside for Mystery Flavor wrappers.

Story 2: On the final assembly line, pops that come along unwrapped or partially wrapped are pulled out, and instead of matching them with their correct wrappers, they become Mystery Flavors. Now on their website, Spangler is pretty cagey, saying only that the Mystery Flavor "continuously changes and is not limited to current Dum Dum flavors." Sounds like both stories could in fact be true. Or perhaps they use it to test new flavors. This year I think I'll investigate.

Did the caps we used with cap pistols really contain a tiny amount of gunpowder?

Hate to have to harpoon a cherished childhood memory, but the answer is no. Whether of the red roll or Greenie Stik-M variety, caps had no gunpowder, or "black powder" as we say today, which is a blend of potassium nitrate, charcoal and sulfur. This is not to say caps weren't potentially dangerous, however, but it would take an awful lot of work to scrape together (literately) enough "stuff" to do any real damage, and you'd probably lose interest.

And that "stuff" was a tiny bit of a compound called Armstrong's mixture, primarily potassium chlorate and red phosphorus, sometimes with some some sulphur. But it is a high explosive, used in quantity for pyrotechnics. So yeah, while caps weren't the real deal, they were close. Loved that smell...I packed a Mattel Fanner 50 with that trick swivel holster, plus a Hubley Buntline Special with the black & red swirly grips. Sweeeeet.

For once and for all, are tomatoes fruits or vegetables?

Well, listen, I'm Old School, so for me, tomatoes always were and always will be planets. Sure, they're small, but....wait, that's not...what was the....

Try to focus: tomatoes, fruits or vegetables?

Right, focusing. Depends on how you use the words. After all, underwear could be a fruit, as in "--- of the loom." Botanically, yes, of course, the tomato is a fruit, just as a walnut is technically a seed and not a true nut, and the beautiful red parts of the poinsettia plant at Christmas are not petals, but bracts. But the botany classroom is a far cry from the kitchen, and as far as foodstuffs go, the tomato is a vegetable. Anyone who says otherwise is just trying to start an argument. Try changing the subject with: "Which is the better Ocean, the Atlantic or the Pacific?" or "How 'bout them Bills?"

Generally, fruits have more sugar. A rough but serviceable rule could be: Veggies: salads and side dishes; Fruits: deserts and mixed in breakfast cereal and yogurt. Sure, there's cucumber ice cream, but they're just trying to be smart alecs. Other crossovers include Hawaiian pizza with tomato & pineapple, Waldorf salad which includes apples along with the greenery, and V-8's line of mixed-up Fusion drinks. I saw a cocktail meatball recipe in the paper recently that included grape jelly and chili sauce.

One interesting sort-of overlap was back when gelatin-encased "salads" were popular; I can still see an ad showing one containing only olives, with their pimentos, looking like decranialized eyeballs. So in 1964, Jell-O came out with a line of vegetable flavors for just that purpose. That's right, tomato, celery, Italian salad, and mixed vegetable favored Jell-O. They were only available for a few years. I wonder is anyone liked eating them "plain."

You know, despite all the tomato sauce you associate with Italian cooking, tomatoes came from the New World, and were brought to Europe by the Spanish. At first people thought they were poisonous and refused to eat them. Not as crazy as it sounds, since the tomato plant is of the family Solanaceae, which includes deadly nightshade/belladonna, jimson weed, and tobacco, as well as potatoes, eggplants, chili peppers, and oddly enough the petunia. Till next time, never be afraid to ask...and rock on!