Merry Weirdmas! (4CE reprint Dec 2012)

4ce dec stolf's oldies

Merry Weirdmas!

There are literally thousands of offbeat Christmas records…"novelty records" they're collectively called. I'd like to recommend to you some of my favorites. If you're interested, all can be heard, as of this writing anyway, on YouTube…except for one. And we might as well start with it…

"Santa Fly"…by Martin Mull 1973  When you consider all the rarities, oddities, and atrocities you'll find on YouTube, you wonder how this one slipped through the cracks. Who else but Martin Mull would think of combining Santa Claus with the churning funk Blacksploitation soul sound of "Super Fly." But then, that was his job. Great opening: department store Santa asks the kid what he wants for Christmas, and he says "I wanna get DOWN!"

"I'm Gonna Lasso Santa Claus"…by Brenda Lee 1956  There are many sub-genres of what I call anti-Christmas records…I Hate Santa, Santa Hates Me, Christmas Bums Me Out, etc. The most intense of these is the Violence Against Santa category. Surprisingly popular…but then as Gramps would say, if everybody liked the same thing, they'd all be after your Grandmother…no kidding. Included in this group are a good dozen different songs about Santa getting stuck in the chimney…usually he's rescued in time for Christmas, but, horrifically enough, not always. Now in this one, Little Miss Dynamite does explain why she plans to assault St. Nick, and it's all in a good cause, I guess. It's one of her earliest recordings, she's only 11, but the talent and energy that would propel her to stardom is definitely on display. Compare with...

"Are My Ears on Straight?"…by Gayla Peevey 1953  This tyke from Oklahoma was very popular as a kid singer, especially Christmas records and a few others, including some for Easter. As she grew older, she tried to translate that into an adult career, with no success…although her "Robot Man" from 1960, recorded under the name of Jamie Horton, is a goofy treat. Her biggest Yuletide triumph is "I Want a Hippopotamus For Christmas." I always wondered if it was legit…or just a Dr. Demento-type hoax, as the line "…and give him [the hippo] his massage" sounded a bit, um, odd to me. But it was for real, and was even used by an Oklahoma City zoo in a campaign to raise money to buy one. "Are My Ears on Straight?" is from the point of view of a doll that was broken, taken to the repair shop, and hopes she'll be fixed in time for Christmas morning. A charming little record, although who in the world would even think of such an idea for a song? Luckily, someone.

"I Fell Out of a Christmas Tree"…by Little Rita Faye 1953  Here's another moppet, with nowhere near the panache nor pipes of Gayla. No, she wasn't climbing the tree…that's how she was born on December 25th: "I slipped off the highest limb and tumbled to the floor / No one was there to pick me up, my folks were all next door." Stork? Cabbage patch? Who needs 'em? The lyrics are as quirky as the concept…and why it never become a Christmastime standard is a mystery to me…ho ho ho. As Rita Faye, no longer "Little," she tried to crack the teen market in 1962 with "Salt and Pepper," a "Mashed Potatoes" answer song…what, no paprika?

"Can You Fix the Way I Talk For Christmas"…by Joe Pesci 1968   Then we have grown-ups pretending to be kids. Yes, this is THE Joe Pesci, calling himself Joe Ritchie, from the LP "Little Joe Sure Can Sing"…well, no he can't, actually. Once he was famous, it was re-released as a 45 under his real name. The label also credits Frank Vincent…he's the voice of Santa...Joe's lifelong acting buddy, who played Billy "Shine Box" Batts in "Goodfellas," and  Phil Leotardo on "The Sopranos." The song is a take on Porky Pig, about a little boy who wants to stop stuttering for Christmas…big surprise, at the end of the song he does. Even in these politically correct days, you can still get away with that if it's done with good-natured humor…Sylvester Swine's hilarious "Blue Christmas" for example. But Joe's routine here is mechanical and listless…and extremely unfunny. Still, a "before they were stars" classic if ever there was one. 

"Santa Got Lost in Texas"…by Michael Landon 1963  Speaking of Little Joes…from what seemed like a good idea at the time, a Christmas LP by the cast of "Bonanza." It's a jolly record, done in a rousing sing-along style. Jeff Carson recorded a version in 1995, but the original is the best. And yes, Landon was Jewish, born Eugene Orowitz on Hallowe'en, 1936…but Joseph Cartwright wasn't, get it? Mazel tov, pard'ner.  

"Donde Este Santa Claus?" by Augie Rios 1958  Another non-PC selection, trending towards the Speedy Gonzales/Frito Bandidto archetype, as was typical of the Fifties. But it's just another cute little kid singing, it's in English except for the question in the title, and you know how on "Santa Claus and His Old Lady" Cheech starts out  with:: "Ma-ma-masita, donde este Santa Cleese…da vato wit da bony knees...he comin' down da street wit no choos on his feet…"? He's just trying to do a version of this song…see, you learned something. And before you ask, "vato" is Mexican slang for "man" or "dude," man.

"Outer Space Santa" by Lawrence Welk 1958  The decade of 1950s was the Golden Age of Christmas novelty records, especially the 3 year span from 1957-59…after all, it gave us the Chipmunks! Especially popular were songs about satellites, sputniks, flying saucers, and men from Mars. Tunes like "Santa Meets the Purple People Eater" by Sheb Wooley, "They Shined Up Rudolph's Nose" by Johnny Horton, "Capt. Santa Claus and his Reindeer Space Patrol" by Bobby Helms, and tons more. This one features the Lennon Sisters, delightfully low-tech retro sound effects, and incongruent lyrics like: "Outer Space Santa, shining up the stars / Outer Space helpers, packing them in jars." Jars of stars? Huh? Hey, don't worry about it…it's spacey!

"Father Christmas" by the Kinks 1977…Here's another Violence Against Santa number…one of the few hard-rock Christmas songs that really works. Ruffians are attacking Santa for giving toys to "all the little rich boys." Is there nothing Ray Davies couldn't do…apparently not.  

"Little Mary Christmas" by Roger Christian 1962…Don't get me wrong…the Weirdmas songs I've mentioned are quite entertaining and I enjoy listening to them…but this final one is an exception. You have to hear it once to believe it, but then never again. Roger Christian was a car-crazy Los Angeles DJ who wrote lyrics for the Beach Boys, Jan & Dean, many others. But this is a rather creepy Yuletide misstep. See, Little Mary is a physically challenged orphan, and Roger's dour recitation sets us up for an even bigger tragedy, but it's all a narrative trick, and we get a happy ending after all..but who needs it? It's smarmy and unsettling all at the same time, and Roger's tone of voice is almost menacing. This used to be hard to find, but it's now on a CD Christmas collection assembled by John Waters, of "Hairspray" fame.

Have a great Christmas…and as I like to remind folks this time of year…as well as at Easter and Thanksgiving too…don't forget to eat something! Keep your strength up…so you can rock on!

Mini-Series Mini-History: The Sequel (4CE reprint Nov 2012)

4ce nov stolf's oldies

Mini-Series Mini-History: The Sequel

Last month we asked, what was the first TV miniseries? My answer was The Blue Knight (11/13/1973). It was shown on 4 consecutive nights…but if the episode length of 1-hour disqualifies it in your mind, then the answer would be…

QB VII (4/29/1974)…It's overwrought hoopla certainly dwarfed "The Blue Knight"…getting the full cover treatment from TV Guide, plus a long feature article…the one accompanying "The Blue Knight" was about creator Joseph Wambaugh, not the show. But it was broadcast over 2 consecutive nights, episodes of 3 and 3½ hours. If that means it was really a 2-part movie and not a true miniseries, then the answer is… 

Rich Man, Poor Man (2/1/1976)…The first pair of 2-hour episodes shown back-to-back Sunday/Monday, then for the next 7 Mondays, some 1 hour, some 2 hours, for a total of 9 episodes and 13 hours, spread over a month and a half. And early on, the weekly format was the miniseries format of choice, until it was eclipsed by the consecutive night format. But if that is a disqualification, then we must move on to…

Roots (1/23/1977)…12 hours, 8 consecutive nights, meets all the tests, no? And indeed it is most often cited as the “first.” But perhaps you are a TV maven who knows everything, and you have a different esoteric choice. I’m certainly open-minded, so let’s review 4 more candidates, starting with…

Vanished…NBC 1971…Again, based on a best-selling novel and with an all-star cast, lead by Richard Widmark…and it was a “first”…the first 2-part made-for-TV movie ever, airing for 2 hours on March 8th, concluding with 2 more hours the next night. Granted, the term miniseries hadn't been invented yet, but it all comes down to the question of whether a 2-part movie is a miniseries. After all, "QB VII" was a 2-part movie in its premiere broadcast…then shown over 3 consecutive nights a year later…and to further muddy the water, "The Blue Knight" was rerun in 1975 over 2 nights instead of its original 4. When "The Godfather" debuted on TV in November of 1974, it was shown over 2 nights, oddly Saturday and Monday! Of course, 3 years later, it would be re-edited with "The Godfather Part 2," shown over 4 consecutive nights, and was considered at the time every bit a miniseries as "Roots" and "Washington: Behind Closed Doors," which was the second blockbuster 12-hour consecutive night miniseries, on ABC in November of 1977.

And how do we classify "Jesus of Nazareth" from March of 1977? It had just 2 parts, each of about 3 hours and 15 minutes…but it was broadcast not on consecutive nights, but on 2 consecutive Sundays. So does "Vanished" get grandfathered in or not? It’s up to you…some people today do refer to it as a miniseries. Turner Classic Movies is more cautious…they call it the "first long-form TV movie…which paved the way for subsequent miniseries." 

 The Forsyte Saga…PBS 1969…So far, we've been provincial about it and excluded British shows, even when broadcast on American television. But how do they fit into the miniseries mix? The first thing you must understand is the terminology. For example, we call "The Man from U.N.C.L.E" a series…they call it a programme, because to them "series" means something else…we would say UNCLE ran for 4 seasons, while they would say it had 4 series. In the UK, an open-ended programme could have anywhere from 10 to 40 episodes in a series. But going back even to the 1950s, they also had what could be called a "short form" or "limited" programme, which, like a miniseries, told one story with a beginning and an end, and was planned for a definite number of installments…they call this a "serial." One example was the science fiction adventures of Dr. Quatermass…these consisted of 3 series, broadcast in 1953, 1955, and 1958…each story was told in 6 weekly episodes.

So a British serial sounds a lot like an American miniseries. Still, where do you draw the line? You probably wouldn't consider "The Prisoner" a miniseries…but Patrick McGoohan planned it for just 7 episodes, while his network wanted 26 episodes, and a deal in the works with CBS called for 36. He managed to crank out 17, airing in England starting in September of 1967, and in the US in June of 1968. Still, despite an opening episode that sets up the mystery, and a closing episode that resolves it, each hour really is a self-contained story, albeit with limited references to what's gone on before.

Which brings us to "The Forsyte Saga," a serial consisting of 26 1-hour episodes, based on the novels by John Galsworthy, which debuted in the UK in January of 1967. That might seem long for a miniseries, but don't forget "Centennial"…first shown on CBS as 12 weekly episodes in 1978-79, sometimes on Sunday, sometimes on Saturday, either 2 or 3 hours each night, for a total of 26 hours. Then repeated on TBS in 1984 as a sort-of consecutive night miniseries, with the12 episodes spread out over 17 days, skipping Fridays and Saturdays. 

In any event, PBS (then called NET) took a chance and imported "The Forsyte Saga" in November of 1969, running it weekly, and it was a huge success. This lead to what might be called a "miniseries series," and that would be "Masterpiece Theatre," which gobbled up the many British historical serials produced in the wake of "The Forsyte Saga," starting with "The First Churchills" in January of 1971. But perhaps you don't want to count Public TV…it's just too different, with no commercials and all…in that case, let's try…

The Six Wives of Henry VIII…CBS 1971…Originally broadcast in UK, 6 weekly 1-hour episodes, starting in January of 1970… then in the US, again weekly, beginning August 13, 1971. Miniseries or not? I report, you decide. I’m sticking with "The Blue Knight." But as you can see, it all hinges on the definition of miniseries. Remember "Primal Man"? Very cool show…4 1-hour episodes spread out over a year and a half, the first in December of 1973. You could call it a series of specials…not really that much different from the Peanuts specials that were similarly spaced out…yet at the time, it was called a miniseries. Or consider the initial run of "Dallas"…5 weekly episodes in April of 1978. Today we might call that a "limited run preview," since it was intended to introduce the first full season debuting in the Fall…but back in the day, it was a miniseries. So if we stretch the definition to the breaking point, we get…

Davy Crockett…ABC 1954-55…Yes, some people call that a miniseries…Wikipedia sure does…and as one blogger put it when Fess Parker died in 2010: “His death brings to mind the miniseries that made him a star…” But betwixt and between all the qualifications and quibbles, I can definitely say IT WAS NOT! 5 1-hour episodes, each a self-contained story, spread out over a full year’s time, and broadcast as part of the anthology series "Disneyland," the forerunner of "Wonderful World of Color." True, it was accompanied by miniseries-level hype, one of the first TV shows to explode into a full-blown fad…and I reckon it sold more merchandise than "Shogun" or "Winds of War"…I mean, were there "Roots" Hallowe'en costumes? I don't think so.  Lunch boxes maybe, I just don't remember. But there you have it…good night, good luck, and keep rockin'!

Mini-History of the Mini-Series (4CE reprint Oct 2012)

Stolf's Oldies October

Mini-History of the Mini-Series

What was the first mini-series on TV? If there were ever a case of “depends on how you look at it,” this is it. You'll often hear that it was "Roots," but several other candidates are also mentioned. How come? Isn't the first, THE FIRST? No, because back in the day, 3 different formats...and inevitable variations...were considered "mini-series." 

Consecutive Night Mini-series…A traditional “see you next week” series continues season after season as long as viewers watch it and it’s profitable to produce. A mini-series is more like a movie or a one-shot “special” in that it has a definite story to tell with a beginning and an end. Here, the episodes aired on consecutive nights…1, 2, or all 3 hours of prime time. To me this is the essential innovation of the mini-series genre…you didn't have to wait 7 days to see what happens.  

Weekly Mini-series…This resembles an ordinary series, in that the installments are aired once a week…but when it’s over, it’s over. There were variations…the first 2 or last 2 episodes may have been on back-to-back nights, for greater impact. But again, this is how it was planned…it was not dependent on viewership for it to continue. I know of no mini-series of any kind that “stopped” in the middle due to poor ratings.

2-Part Movie…Which is to say, a “made-for-TV” movie which is split into 2 parts, and is broadcast on 2 consecutive nights. Unusually long theatrical movies were shown on TV over 2 nights as well. Would you say that really isn't a mini-series...because only 2 nights in a row isn't much of a "series"? Trouble is, from the very beginning of the mini-series phenomenon, and then even more so as the genre became popular, 2-part movies WERE called mini-series, which is why there are several candidates for “first.” Let's sort them out…

(1)  The Blue Knight…NBC 1973…aired on 4 consecutive nights, Tuesday thru Friday beginning November 13…each episode one hour, at 10PM. An adaptation of Joseph Wambaugh’s novel of the same name, starring William Holden as the world-weary veteran cop on the beat, Bumper Morgan…it was made possible by Wambaugh’s success with the anthology series "Police Story." It spawned a short-lived regular series 2 years later with George Kennedy. Lorimar, the production company that made it, considers it to this day the first mini-series and so do I...so that's my answer: THE BLUE KNIGHT!

TV Guide’s Fall Preview issue that year (9/8/73) described it as a “miniseries of 4 one-hour dramas.” This is the first time I am aware of them using the term...but they also mentioned a “6 hour miniseries”…that would eventually air 5 months after "The Blue Knight"…and that was…

(2)  QB VII…ABC 1974…ran for 3 hours on Monday April 29, and for an unprecedented 3 and a half hours the following night. Besides You-Know-What, this is the one most often cited as the first. But it's tricky, because technically "QB VII" was a 2-part movie! Again, based on a best-selling novel…and there are several reasons why it certainly might be considered the first, despite "The Blue Knight" being chronologically first. It established the idea of each part being longer than the typical dramatic series' one hour. More importantly, it was promoted as an EVENT. Yes, "The Blue Knight" was obviously innovative in its 4-night format, but here’s what TV Guide said in the extensive article that ran the week of "QB VII"…

“The most ambitious, longest, and certainly the most expensive single movie project yet produced for television…a mammoth commitment by ABC…a sizable risk…everyone involved seems to possess a sense of pioneering, of participating in a very special dramatic venture.” 

It’s hard to read such commentary, and not sense a “first” in there somewhere. But notice that now they're calling it a “movie,” and nowhere in the article or in ABC’s advertising was the word “mini-series” used. In fact, the full-page ad touts it as an “Electrifying World Premiere,” exactly what they'd call movies, theatrical and made-for-TV alike. "The Blue Knight" was successful, and praised by critics, but it had nowhere near the build-up or the impact…and "QB VII" got the full TV Guide cover to itself the week it was on..."The Blue Knight" did not. "QB VII"  proved the concept, and its success told the industry you could spend lots of money…and lots of time…on one story, and that lead to…

(3)  Roots…ABC 1977…aired for 8 consecutive nights, Sunday thru Sunday beginning January 23…some nights for 2 hours, other nights for just 1, for a total of 12 hours, doubling the length of "QB VII."  Most commonly cited as “the first mini-series.” And a blockbuster is was, one of the few mini-series to have a sequel, the 14-hour "Roots: The Next Generation" 2 years later. Unprecedented publicity and advertising…this time a full 2-page spread in TV Guide.

"Roots" is thus remembered as the mini-series that burst the genre wide open…and that would continue to be the hottest programming format for the next 2 decades. Certainly "Roots" deserves to be “first” in some sense, altho not technically first as we have seen. But here’s a curious thing: "Roots" was broadcast over 2 ½ years after "QB VII"…so what was happening in the meantime? And that’s why I had to divide “mini-series” into 3 distinct formats, because of…

(4)  Rich Man, Poor Man…ABC 1976…9 episodes, beginning Sunday February 1st for 2 hours, 2 hours the next day, Monday, then continuing for 7 more consecutive Mondays, each one hour, except the final 2, which were 2 hours long, for a total of 13 hours, spread over a month and a half. And there’s the dilemma in defining “mini-series”…at the beginning, they really hadn’t settled on the format: consecutive nights or once a week?

The trouble with calling "RM, PM" the first mini-series is that several other weeklies preceded it…"Moses the Lawgiver" on CBS, 1-hour episodes for 6 weeks…and Judd Hirsch in "The Law" on NBC, one hour, then one hour the next week, then skipping a week, then finishing with a 3rd hour. But do these qualify, with no segments longer than 60 minutes?  The format was in a state of flux…and get this: when "QB VII" was re-run a year after its initial broadcast, it was spread out over 3 consecutive nights instead of the original 2...so NOW it was a mini-series, and no longer a 2-part movie??

Yet while it seems that "RM, PM" can't really be the first, at the time it was indeed considered the trendsetter…TV Guide’s Fall Preview (9/18/76) called it exactly that, listing the many mini-series that were being developed in its wake, including "Roots." And the fact remains, in 1975 and 1976, apart from the "QB VII" re-run, there were NO consecutive night mini-series. So there is a case to be made..."RM, PM" was also one of the few to merit a sequel, again a weekly...and it is considered to this day one of the best of the breed. 

And altho the term “mini-series”…or "miniseries" without the hyphen…surfaced in 1973, it was not used exclusively…”multi-part production” and “multi-parter” were common. And really, “mini-series” was from the beginning just too mundane for the network hype machine…they were often termed “Novels for Television." But those who love to quibble and nitpick sometimes suggest 4 other possibilities for the "first mini-series"...we'll reminisce about those and weigh their qualifications next month...till then, rock on!

On the Road with Cool Daddy (4CE reprint Sept 2012)

On the Road with Ask Cool Daddy

Dear Cool Daddy: I know that the auto industry took a 42 month "vacation" from domestic production during World War II. Which auto makers active at the start of the pre-war shutdown didn't emerge for the post-war boom?

The answer, oddly enough, is none…every auto maker active when the freeze began on January 1, 1942 came back to life when it was lifted on July 1, 1945. These were the Big Three…General Motors, Ford and Chrysler…and the Middle Five…Hudson, Nash, Studebaker, Packard, and Willys-Overland. Even the diminutive Crosley compact, introduced in 1939, continued until 1952. And Checker, making cabs since 1922, survived until 1982.

As Baby Boomers growing up in the '50s and '60s, our dads, uncles, and grandfathers regaled us with the glories of extinct makes from the past. In the first 3 decades of the 20th century, hundreds of auto companies came and went…it was tough to compete with the Ford Model T, which would eventually lay claim to literally half the cars on the road. Thus the "shake out" had pretty much been completed by the time the stock market crashed and the Great Depression hit in 1929. There were less than 30 car companies left, and those below the Middle Five folded fast, even though most had existed for over 20 years.

Erskine, Kissel, and Moon ended production in 1930. Jordan, Gardner, Durant and Dupont were gone after 1931. Essex folded after 1932, Peerless and Marmon after 1933, Franklin after 1934. The second half of the decade saw the demise of Auburn, Cord, Cunningham, Duesenberg, Pierce Arrow, Reo, and Stutz. Hupmobile and Cadillac's LaSalle gave up the ghost in 1940, as did Graham-Page. Its assets were sold to to Kaiser-Frazer in 1947, which in turn merged with Willys as Kaiser-Jeep in 1963, bought out by AMC in 1970…the last of the Middle Five still standing.

Dear Cool Daddy: I don't ever remember seeing a "pink Cadillac" back in the day…was there really such a thing?

Pink Cadillacs are associated with the 1950s, when everything about autos was the most flamboyant. For example, Aretha Franklin's 1985 song "Freeway of Love" mentions a pink Cadillac, and the drawing on the 45 picture sleeve is a pink convertible, altho not a production model…it's the LeMans dream car from 1953, a full-size 2-seater. In the black-and-white music video, her 1957 Seville hardtop turns pink with a white top at the very end. But if you examine factory paint-chip charts, you won't find the bright, gaudy, in-your-face PINK pink we're talking about. 

Closest are subdued hues like "Mountain Laurel" from 1956-57, and 1959's "Wood Rose"…what today might be called "dusty mauve." Salmon/Coral/Peach was also available some years. But Cadillac colors were always on the conservative side, especially compared to the wild shades everybody else was offering...and those snazzy 2-tone and 3-tone combinations.

The mystique of the Pink Cadillac started with Elvis...he owned 2...repainted by a neighbor in a color they nicknamed "Elvis Rose"...note: NOT pink! The first was a 1954 model, totaled when the brake linings caught fire. The second was the famous 1955 Series 60 that's still on display at Graceland. It originally had a black top, but was repainted white to match the first one around the time Elvis had it reupholstered. 

He does mention a pink Cadillac in his early recording, "Baby, Let's Play House." When he returned from the service, Elvis gave the 1955 to a buddy, in favor of a 1961 Coupe deVille, white with a pink roof. Mary Kay Ash of Mary Kay Cosmetics gave Pinkillacs to her top salesmen beginning in 1969, painted "Mountain Laurel Blush" at the dealership to match her compact cases. But despite no eye-popping pink on the official Cadillac pallet, its fame compelled Lincoln to respond in the form of an over-the-top 1956 lavender…what they called "Wisteria"…not to mention a pinker "Amethyst" and a peachy "Island Coral." Shield your eyes...

Dear Cool Daddy: I've noticed that Andy Griffith as Sheriff  Taylor is always driving the latest model Ford...can you date the episodes by the model year of the squad car?

Only approximately…that's because they started filming for the new fall season in the summer, too soon for the new model year. So the first half of a season contained the previous year's model, then the new patrol car generally debuted in the spring. Thus, a 1960 Ford could indicate the 1959-60 TV season (an episode shown in the spring of 1960) or one from the 1960-61 season (originally aired in the fall of 1960.)

As was mentioned each week in the closing credits, Ford provided vehicles for the show. That's why you'll see all those Thunderbirds, Mustangs, old Fords, new Fords, and that groovy Mercury Comet with the slanty tail-lights that pops up in episode after episode, year in and year out. The squad car was generally a Ford Galaxie, sometimes a base model Ford Custom. But the citizens of Mayberry certainly saw to it that their lawman always had the newest ride!

Dear Cool Daddy: I heard that Jan & Dean's "Dead Man's Curve" was a about a real place, and a crash by Mel Blanc, the Man of a Thousand Voices. Hit or myth?

Mostly hit. Jan Berry wrote the music and DJ Roger Christian wrote the lyrics for the imaginary race between Jan's Sting Ray and Roger's Jaguar XKE. The route runs west thru Los Angeles along Sunset Blvd...besides the legendary Schwab's drugstore, where Lana Turner was supposedly discovered, they mention real cross-streets...Vine St, Crescent Heights Blvd, La Brea Ave, and North Doheny Drive. The only discrepancy is: "He passed me at Doheny and I started to swerve / But I pulled her up and there we were at Dead Man's Curve." This downhill right-hand curve...just past Whittier Drive, north of the UCLA campus…is actually a good 4 miles west of Doheny Drive…that had to be one long "swerve"!

Roger Christian originally wanted the race to end in a tie, but Jan thought it would be cooler for one of them to spinout. By the time the song came out in March of 1964, the roadway had been repaired and was no longer as dangerous…the trouble was a bow to the outside that would force cars into the oncoming lane if they were coming down the hill too fast…especially treacherous at night. 

The song was indeed inspired by what happened to Mel Blanc on January 24, 1961…but he wasn't racing anyone…he was coming uphill the other way, east into Los Angeles, when he was hit head-on by a college student, who suffered only minor scratches. Mel almost died from his injuries, and had to take a hiatus from recording Barney Rubble's voice for "The Flintstones." That's why for several episodes, it sounds like somebody else doing the voice...because it is…Hanna-Barbera's jack-of-all-trades Daws Butler. 

At the time of the accident, it was reported that there had been 6 fatalities there in the past year...other sources say 23 accidents and 3 fatalities in 2 years. But almost losing Mel spurred the DPW into action. BTW, there are 2 versions of the song. The original on the "Drag City" LP says "my frenched tail-lights," and lacks the skidding and crashing sound effects. The more familiar 45 version says "my 6 tail-lights"…yes, Sting Rays had 2 on each side, but it was a common custom trick to add a third, mimicking the triple tail-lights on the big Impalas. Till next time, pleasant motoring…and rock on!

Land of the Rising Fastball (4CE reprint August 2012)

Land of the Rising Fast Ball

With the success Japanese ballplayers in the US, Yu Darvish being the latest, you might be interested in how baseball differs between our 2 countries. And yes, Darvish is not a Japanese name…his father is Iranian.

There are 2 leagues in Japan, each of 6 teams…the Pacific League uses the DH, and the Central League doesn't. Each plays a 144-game season which includes inter-league play. Rules are pretty much what they are in the US. The ball is slightly smaller, with larger seams, and supposedly wound tighter…ballparks are also smaller. One major difference is that there is a time limit on the games...if the score is tied after 12 innings, it goes into the record books as a tie and is not replayed. A team will typically have around 10 ties a season, and while they are listed in the standings, ties are not counted towards the winning percentage…thus a team can finish ahead of another team that has more wins, as can still happen in the NHL.

This time limit exists so that fans can catch the trains home...altho if they can, they'll stick around for the traditional on-field post-game player interviews. Even so, televised games are routinely cut off in favor of regularly scheduled programs…so every game is potentially a Heidi Game!

There are also 2 minors leagues, the Eastern and Western Leagues, fed by high school, college, and amateur industrial leagues. The high school championship tournaments are especially popular, almost as much as Major League games. Players switch teams far less frequently, and the Japanese custom of employment-for-life applies even after one's playing career is over. 

Teams are owned by big corporations in other industries...and named after them. Thus Tokyo's Yomiuri Giants and Nagoya's Chunichi Dragons are both named after newspapers, Yomiuri Shimbun and Chunichi Shimbun. And if you ever wondered about the Nippon Ham Fighters and what the heck is a Ham Fighter…they're actually the Fighters, owned by Nippon Ham!

The post-season playoffs are known as the Climax Series. Stage I in each league is between the 2nd and 3rd place teams, best-of-5. If 2 teams are tied for 3rd, the team with the better record the previous year advances. The winner goes on to face the 1st place team in Stage II, but with a twist: as a reward for finishing 1st, that team starts the 6-game series credited with one win…thus it needs to win only 3 to advance, while the Stage I winner must win 4. Interesting idea, altho many players dislike this rule, and it's only been in place for both leagues since 2007…the Pacific League introduced it in 2003. 

The 2 league champions then meet for the 7-game Japan Series. Tie games are still possible in the postseason, when the time limit expands to 15 innings…but as in the regular season, ties are not replayed. Thus a post-season series itself can end in a tie, in which case the tiebreaker is the teams' regular season records. 

In Japan, attitudes towards coaches and umpires are strangely reversed. Teams have more coaches than American teams, and along with the manager, they rule with an iron fist...literally, since they are allowed to physically strike a player, who then must apologize to the coach! On the other hand, despite the fact that umpires are ritually saluted by the batter when he comes to the plate, their control of the game is less overt. Consider what happens in the US with a disputed call. The manager comes out to argue, a player might have to be restrained, but the call stands. In Japan, the umpires will huddle among themselves for as much as 15 or 20 minutes...and when their decision is finally announced, they will apologize for the delay. Needless to say, in Japan Armando Galarraga would have had his perfect game!

The Japanese are oddly fascinated by blood types...that's right, A, B, AB, and O. They are like astrological signs, believed to predict personality traits and the potential success of romantic matches. Blood types are a hot topic month after month in women's magazines, and they are important in baseball as well. Which is not to say the stars are ignored: astrological predictions based on the position of Mars are also a part of Japanese baseball. 

Back in the day, teams were allowed only 2 foreign players, usually Americans…called "gaijins," literally outsiders or aliens, but used more in the sense of "helpers." Today the limit is 4 per team, and they can become fan favorites if they earn it on the field. Here are some gaijins you might recognize: Jerry Adair, Matty Alou, George Altman, Ken Aspromonte, Don Blasingame, Clete Boyer, Don Buford, Larry Doby, Jim Gentile, Frank Howard, Davey Johnson, Willie Kirkland, Jim Lefebvre, Roman Mejias, Don Newcombe, Joe Pepitone, Wes Parker, and even Aaron Pointer, older brother of the Pointer Sisters, who went on to a long career as a ref in the NFL.

Also Andre Rodgers, Richie Scheinblum, Daryl Spencer, Bart Shirley, Dick Stuart, Lee Thomas, Fred Valentine, Zolio Versalles, and Don Zimmer…not to mention Buddy Bradford, Willie Davis, Clarence Jones, Roger Repoz, Tony Solaita, Walt "No Neck" Williams...and brothers Leon and Leron Lee, one of whom is the father of Derrek Lee. The Japanese are far less tolerant of foreigners than we are, especially those who refuse to fit in. Tom Selleck's 1992 movie "Mr. Baseball" was right on. This plays into the important Japanese concept of "wa." 

Wa means team harmony or cooperation...prima donnas of any kind in Japan are few and far between. As they say, "The nail that sticks up is the one hammered down." There is also "ma," meaning a pause or hesitation…almost what we would call a "psyche." It is a powerful weapon for the pitcher, and altho balks are in the rule book they are seldom called. Japanese fans are very keen on the individual match-ups between pitchers and batters, and these are discussed and analyzed in great detail...and yes, blood types must be considered!  Often a pitcher and batter are fondly remembered as a pair, and their many battles are the thing of baseball legend. For example, one book devotes 6 pages to describing Ichiro's first at bat against Dice-K in 1999. When they first faced each other here in 2007, Japanese headlines called it "Genius vs. Monster"…I'll let you guess which was which!

There are many other different baseball customs: when crossing the plate after a home run, a player is presented with a stuffed animal. Foul balls hit into the stands are not kept as souvenirs but returned to an usher. Up until 2010, balls and strikes were counted backwards...a full count was 2-and-3...but now Japan does it like the rest of the baseball world. A winning manager is tossed into the air, like Eskimos with a bear-skin. 

At home, teams have organized rooting sections, much like in college football, with songs, chants, drummers and other noise-makers. These are lead by a man in white gloves, resembling a Japanese traffic cop. There are actually try-outs for these fan clubs, and some of the members are paid, either by the team or by the local crime syndicate…which operate much more openly in Japan. You might have been surprised to hear of the Yakuza organizing relief efforts after the March, 2011 earthquake, mobilizing far quicker than government authorities. But folks, we're not in Kansas anymore, you know?

Don't miss weekly genealogy at deepfriedhoodsiecups.wordpress.com and other Stolf stuff at stolf.wordpress.com. Till next time, keep in mind: you've gotta have wa…and rock on!

10 Things You Didn't Kn-O About Hawaii Five-0 (4CE reprint July 2012)

10 Things You Didn't Kn-O About Hawaii Five-0

Back in the day, I was a big fan of private eye shows and secret agent/spy series...cop shows, not so much. But by the 1970s, "Hawaii Five-0" had grown on me, and I can honestly say I'd rather watch that show today than any other crime drama, bar none. Steve McGarrett is the quintessential no-nonsense, chisel-jawed good guy. Viewers agreed, as the show ran for 12 seasons, 1968-1980...but here are a few things you might not have known...

(1)  So which is it, Five-Zero or Five-Oh?… "Five-0" refers to Hawaii being the 50th state, so the short answer is, it's a zero, since there's a zero in the numeral 50. But it's always pronounced "oh"…just as James Bond is called "double-Oh-7," not "double-Zero-7." To check this, I examined half a dozen magazines and both local and national newspapers from the 1960s, and with one exception, all used a type-face (the old-fashioned word for "font") that distinguished between a zero and a capital O...the the capitol O is fat and rounder, the zero skinny and oval-shaped. That one exception, oddly enough, was TV Guide, which used a skinny 0 for both.

And if you grant that the title graphic of the show's opening sequence ought to be definitive...from season 1 thru season 12, they used a skinny 0, not a fat O. True, the O cropped up occasionally in print, like in the liner notes on the cover of the soundtrack LP on Capitol Records. But typewriters in the 1960s were just making the transition from one key for both…to separate keys, one for each, so there could still have been confusion. This wouldn't even be an issue if it weren't for that current "reboot" series on CBS. They've officially said several contradictory things on this subject...all I can do is look at their opening graphic...and I see a capital O, not a skinny zero. If this is indeed to distance it from the original series, so be it. 

(2)  But no, it's not real... Because Hawaii is the only state that has never had a state police force. This ironically was the inspiration for the series: producer Leonard Freeman was talking with then Hawaiian governor John Burns about his unsuccessful attempt to sell a state police force to the state legislature, and thought: great idea for a series!

(3)  Was Wo Fat really Chinese?... The character yes, a Communist agent. The actor no, altho he's generally assumed to be. Kenneth Dickerson was born in Spring Lake, New Jersey, of British, Egyptian, and Sudanese stock. He changed his name for show business to Khigh Dhiegh when he found his career niche. By the way, it's pronounced to rhyme with Eye Dee...not Die or Day as you'll commonly hear. 

(4)  Tabac, anyone?... Well, just about everybody on TV smoked in those days, so the fact that Steve McGarrett did not, nor did he drink except for the occasional ceremonial sip of bubbly, further set him apart from the run-of-the-mill TV hero. For the record, on the show Danno occasionally enjoyed a cigarette, and of course Chin Ho had his pipe. 

(5)  Speaking of Danno, what's up with the pilot episode?... Titled "Cocoon," it was a 2-hour movie broadcast 6 days before the series premiered in September of 1968. A few things were changed from the pilot to the actual series...Steve got a bit less intense, Chin Ho less jovial, gone for the most part were the Hawaiian print shirts...and oh yeah, they got a new actor to play Danny Williams. Tim O'Kelley was Danno in the pilot, and his approach was a little too, shall we say, earnest? Test audiences didn't connect, like they would with the more laid back James MacArthur. In syndication, the pilot was shown as a 2-part episode, and apparently nobody cared if viewers noticed the Danno discrepancy...sort of like "the 2 Darrins" on "Bewitched." 

(6)  And speaking of syndication, isn't there a lost episode?... Indeed, the 16th episode of the 2nd season, called "Bored, She Hung Herself," shown once then never again...not as a repeat, not in syndication, not even on the 2nd season DVD box set. It concerned a group of hippies who practiced an esoteric meditation technique involving simulated hanging...and sure enough, one ends up hung for real, and dead. Altho hushed up at the time, apparently someone who saw the show tried it, and died...hence the the episode's disappearance. 

Copies do circulate among collectors, so you could probably see it if you wanted to bad enough...but the consensus is it's not that great an episode...just lost. Interestingly, this episode was directed by John Newland, the host of "One Step Beyond." But it does remind us that "Hawaii Five-0" did occasionally dabble in the "weird" or "kinky" plot elements that would become so popular decades later. 

(7)  Where'd Zulu go?… Born Gilbert Lani Kauhi, Zulu (a high school football nickname) was the ultimate Waikiki beach boy...a surfer, singer, comedian, disc jockey, even served a tour in the Coast Guard. He was hired for the show because of his burly native looks and became famous for bursting thru the door during the opening sequence. But he was frustrated by having nothing to do but say "Yes, Steve, no, Steve" week in and week out for 4 seasons. Long story short, a series of unfortunate circumstances resulted in his losing his temper during a taping, and saying some things that he shouldn't have. Exit "Zulu as Kono." He remained a popular Hawaiian celebrity and night club entertainer until his death in 2004...and indeed had a part in the 1997 revival attempt.

(8)  What revival attempt?… It was a TV movie by Stephen J. Cannell, but the brass at CBS didn't like it and it never aired. Gary Bussey was the new lead cop with Russell Wong as his right-hand man…and Danny Williams was now the governor! The roles of Kono, Duke, Truck, Che Fong and even Chin Ho were reprised by the original actors…this despite the fact that Chin Ho Kelly had been killed in the final episode of season 10. Apparently Cannell wasn't aware of this, and nobody, least of all actor Kam Fong, bothered to mention it until the movie was completed. Maybe he needed the work…

(9) The Magnum Connection…"Hawaii Five-0" ended its long run in the spring of 1980, and Tom Selleck's "Magnum P.I." premiered that fall…a coincidence? Think again, my friend. CBS had a lot of money invested in the extensive Hawaiian sets and production facilities, and wasn't about to let it go to waste. What's more, there were even hopes of getting Jack Lord to do a few cameo appearances as Steve McGarrett, which is why there are Hawaii Five-0 references during the first season…like when Magnum says of of an old Navy buddy: "Putting Dan on this stuff was like making McGarrett the meter maid." But Lord couldn't be coaxed out of retirement, and that was that. 

(10)  But in the beginning… It's always interesting to find out what might have been. Leonard Freeman's original name for the series was "The Man"…kind of bland, altho perhaps not so much back then, when "the man" was synonymous with "the fuzz." Richard Boone was his first choice to play McGarrett, and that made sense since at the time he was actually living in Hawaii, but he turned it down…as did, of all people, Gregory Peck! Fortuitous, I'd say, given who they eventually got.

Don't forget the weekly blogs at stolf.wordpress.com and deepfriedhoodsiecups.wordpress.com…plus "car tunes" weekdays starting at 3pm on 1340 WMSA in Massena…and as was told to me along the coconut telegraph: rock on!

Ask Cool Daddy 4 (4CE reprint...June 2012)

"Ask Cool Daddy 4"

Dear Cool Daddy: Did we ever find out why the 1969 disaster film "Krakatoa, East of Java" was so named, when that island volcano is actually west of Java?

No authoritative explanation has ever emerged, altho there are a couple of stories out there. One says the mistake wasn't noticed until after the advertising and publicity material had been prepared, and it was too late by then to change it. Another says that the producers knew it was wrong from the beginning, but just preferred the sound of it, calling to mind the popular movie "East of Eden" from 1955.  And as it was pointed out at the time, since the world is round, Krakatoa really is east of Java...eventually!

My personal theory is that they may have been confusing the 1883 eruption of Krakatoa with the 1815 eruption of Mt. Tambora, which is indeed located east of Java. Tambora is believed to be the biggest volcanic explosion in recorded history. It spewed 40 cubic miles of ash and another 400 cubic miles of sulfurous gas into the atmosphere, disrupting agriculture worldwide, and resulting, a year later, in The Year Without a Summer, when snow fell in July over Maine and northern Europe. Tambora killed 10,000 outright, and another 60,000 due to starvation and disease.

Krakatoa was bad, but not that bad. It received more worldwide notice because it was in the middle of international shipping lanes, while to that extent, Tambora was more "out of the way."  When the movie was re-released to theaters, it was renamed "Volcano," altho it's back to the original infamous title on DVD. And it's a shame that it's mainly remembered for the geographical goof-up, since it's an excellent movie, especially the tidal wave effects, still impressive 40 years later.

Dear Cool Daddy: Franco-American canned spaghetti was a staple on Baby Boomer lunch-tables…but am I the only one who noticed that while spaghetti is Italian, “Franco” means “French”? 

Well, at our house “franco-american” was the generic term for that mushy, orange-colored pasta…if Chef Boy-ar-dee was on sale and Mom fixed it for us, we’d look at our plates and say: “Oh boy, franco-american!” And I really did like it…it had a pleasant little tang to it, as I recall. We would also from time to time have real spaghetti, in a real sauce with meatballs, so we didn’t really think of Franco-American as spaghet’, any more than we would macaroni or lasagna. But I noticed it was "French" eventually, and the reason is what you might expect...the company was started by a French immigrant, Alphonse Biardot, in Jersey City in 1886. 

His most prominent line was soups, many with a decidedly French twist…green turtle, terrapin, chicken consommé, purée of game, mulligatawny, mock turtle, ox-tail, tomato, chicken gumbo, French bouillon, julienne, pea, printanier, mutton broth, vegetable, beef, pearl tapioca, clam broth, clam chowder, and others. The Franco-American Food Company also made canned sauces, patés, custards, and puddings…in fact, an early advertisement reads: "English Plum Pudding made by a Frenchman! Why Not?"

They were sold to Campbell’s Soup in 1915, accelerating the ethnic diversification. The earliest I can find Franco-American spaghetti is around 1930…and it was marketed as being in the style of Milan…“à la Milanaise”…which is of course French…in English that would traditionally be “Milanese”…today you also see “Milano”…in Italian it's “alla Milanese.” There seems to be no agreement as to what style that is today…sauce having cream as a key ingredient…or fennel and sardines…or ham and mushrooms…or who knows? Back then, it was parenthetically explained as “tomato sauce with cheese”…and it became the Franco-American brand’s flagship product.

Dear Cool Daddy: Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

The egg... just think of it as a baby chicken. It will grow up to be an adult chicken, but as an egg, it's a chicken already. You can't have a grown chicken without first having a baby chicken, or a chicken egg. But you can have a chicken egg without having a mama and papa chicken who made it, which is the whole idea behind the biological process of mutation.

To take a real-life example, it is believed snakes evolved from lizards. The gene for the legless mutation occurred during the creation of 2 lizard gametes, the ovum from the mother and spermatozoa from the father, that united to result in a legless offspring....which, if it could survive, would propagate a new species...snakes. So in this case, you would have had a baby snake without it having adult snakes as its parents. But an adult snake can only grow from a baby snake, not from a baby lizard. Which is just another way of saying, the first thing that was a snake was a baby snake, not an adult snake. And for snakes...and chickens too...that means the egg came first.

Dear Cool Daddy: A war (ha ha) was broken out at our house over which actors from the movie version of "M*A*S*H" recreated their roles on the TV show. We agree on Gary Burghoff as Radar, but my husband thinks there was one more, but he can't think of who. Care to referee?

Little old peacemaker me. Your husband is correct...there was one other...that was actor G. Wood who played General Hammond in the movie, then in the first couple of episodes of the series, and never again. "G." was his professional name...he was either George or Gene, depending on who's telling it. But interestingly, there were 3 other actors who appeared in both versions of M*A*S*H, altho as different characters.

Corey Fischer was Capt. Baldini in the movie, then the guitar-strumming dentist Capt. Phil Cardozo in the 2nd season episode "Five O'Clock Charlie." Timothy Brown was Cpl. Judson in the movie, and Capt. Spearchucker Jones in 6 TV episodes, taking over the role from Fred Williamson. And finally, John Fujioka appeared briefly, and uncredited, as a Japanese golfer in the movie, and in 3 different guest roles on TV.

The thing is, when M*A*S*H made the transition from large screen to small, there was at the start some indecision as to which characters would be carried over. Obviously, the lead surgeons were cut from 3 to 2, with Capt. Augustus Bedford "Duke" Forrest (Tom Skerritt in the movie) the odd man out. Hawkeye, Trapper, Radar, Col. Blake, Hotlips, Frank Burns, and Father Mulcahey, no longer nicknamed "Dago Red," were retained...and of course, Spearchucker was tried but dropped. 

Aussie "gas-passer" Ugly John Black (Carl Gottlieb in the movie, John Orchard on TV) appeared in 10 episodes, sometimes as sort of a surrogate "3rd surgeon" if the plot called for it. Swamp houseboy Ho-Jon (Kim Atwood/Patrick Adiarte) was on 7 TV shows, the naive Pvt. Boone (Bud Cort/Bruno Kirby, then Robert Gooden) on 3, and Lt. Dish (Jo Ann Pflug/Karen Philipp) on 2. Also absent from the TV version was the suicidal dentist Walt Waldowski, the Painless Pole...altho he's supposedly mentioned a couple of times...I don't remember that, but listen closely next time you're watching!

And the next time you've got the movie on, watch for Ed O'Neill from "Married With Children," who's said to have an uncredited cameo as an MP. Till next time, weekly blog at stolf.wordpress.com, Genealogy for Baby Boomers at deepfriedhhoodsiecups.wordpress.com...and if you have any time left from cleaning the pool, rock on!