Merry Weirdmas! (4CE reprint Dec 2012)

4ce dec stolf's oldies

Merry Weirdmas!

There are literally thousands of offbeat Christmas records…"novelty records" they're collectively called. I'd like to recommend to you some of my favorites. If you're interested, all can be heard, as of this writing anyway, on YouTube…except for one. And we might as well start with it…

"Santa Fly"…by Martin Mull 1973  When you consider all the rarities, oddities, and atrocities you'll find on YouTube, you wonder how this one slipped through the cracks. Who else but Martin Mull would think of combining Santa Claus with the churning funk Blacksploitation soul sound of "Super Fly." But then, that was his job. Great opening: department store Santa asks the kid what he wants for Christmas, and he says "I wanna get DOWN!"

"I'm Gonna Lasso Santa Claus"…by Brenda Lee 1956  There are many sub-genres of what I call anti-Christmas records…I Hate Santa, Santa Hates Me, Christmas Bums Me Out, etc. The most intense of these is the Violence Against Santa category. Surprisingly popular…but then as Gramps would say, if everybody liked the same thing, they'd all be after your Grandmother…no kidding. Included in this group are a good dozen different songs about Santa getting stuck in the chimney…usually he's rescued in time for Christmas, but, horrifically enough, not always. Now in this one, Little Miss Dynamite does explain why she plans to assault St. Nick, and it's all in a good cause, I guess. It's one of her earliest recordings, she's only 11, but the talent and energy that would propel her to stardom is definitely on display. Compare with...

"Are My Ears on Straight?"…by Gayla Peevey 1953  This tyke from Oklahoma was very popular as a kid singer, especially Christmas records and a few others, including some for Easter. As she grew older, she tried to translate that into an adult career, with no success…although her "Robot Man" from 1960, recorded under the name of Jamie Horton, is a goofy treat. Her biggest Yuletide triumph is "I Want a Hippopotamus For Christmas." I always wondered if it was legit…or just a Dr. Demento-type hoax, as the line "…and give him [the hippo] his massage" sounded a bit, um, odd to me. But it was for real, and was even used by an Oklahoma City zoo in a campaign to raise money to buy one. "Are My Ears on Straight?" is from the point of view of a doll that was broken, taken to the repair shop, and hopes she'll be fixed in time for Christmas morning. A charming little record, although who in the world would even think of such an idea for a song? Luckily, someone.

"I Fell Out of a Christmas Tree"…by Little Rita Faye 1953  Here's another moppet, with nowhere near the panache nor pipes of Gayla. No, she wasn't climbing the tree…that's how she was born on December 25th: "I slipped off the highest limb and tumbled to the floor / No one was there to pick me up, my folks were all next door." Stork? Cabbage patch? Who needs 'em? The lyrics are as quirky as the concept…and why it never become a Christmastime standard is a mystery to me…ho ho ho. As Rita Faye, no longer "Little," she tried to crack the teen market in 1962 with "Salt and Pepper," a "Mashed Potatoes" answer song…what, no paprika?

"Can You Fix the Way I Talk For Christmas"…by Joe Pesci 1968   Then we have grown-ups pretending to be kids. Yes, this is THE Joe Pesci, calling himself Joe Ritchie, from the LP "Little Joe Sure Can Sing"…well, no he can't, actually. Once he was famous, it was re-released as a 45 under his real name. The label also credits Frank Vincent…he's the voice of Santa...Joe's lifelong acting buddy, who played Billy "Shine Box" Batts in "Goodfellas," and  Phil Leotardo on "The Sopranos." The song is a take on Porky Pig, about a little boy who wants to stop stuttering for Christmas…big surprise, at the end of the song he does. Even in these politically correct days, you can still get away with that if it's done with good-natured humor…Sylvester Swine's hilarious "Blue Christmas" for example. But Joe's routine here is mechanical and listless…and extremely unfunny. Still, a "before they were stars" classic if ever there was one. 

"Santa Got Lost in Texas"…by Michael Landon 1963  Speaking of Little Joes…from what seemed like a good idea at the time, a Christmas LP by the cast of "Bonanza." It's a jolly record, done in a rousing sing-along style. Jeff Carson recorded a version in 1995, but the original is the best. And yes, Landon was Jewish, born Eugene Orowitz on Hallowe'en, 1936…but Joseph Cartwright wasn't, get it? Mazel tov, pard'ner.  

"Donde Este Santa Claus?" by Augie Rios 1958  Another non-PC selection, trending towards the Speedy Gonzales/Frito Bandidto archetype, as was typical of the Fifties. But it's just another cute little kid singing, it's in English except for the question in the title, and you know how on "Santa Claus and His Old Lady" Cheech starts out  with:: "Ma-ma-masita, donde este Santa Cleese…da vato wit da bony knees...he comin' down da street wit no choos on his feet…"? He's just trying to do a version of this song…see, you learned something. And before you ask, "vato" is Mexican slang for "man" or "dude," man.

"Outer Space Santa" by Lawrence Welk 1958  The decade of 1950s was the Golden Age of Christmas novelty records, especially the 3 year span from 1957-59…after all, it gave us the Chipmunks! Especially popular were songs about satellites, sputniks, flying saucers, and men from Mars. Tunes like "Santa Meets the Purple People Eater" by Sheb Wooley, "They Shined Up Rudolph's Nose" by Johnny Horton, "Capt. Santa Claus and his Reindeer Space Patrol" by Bobby Helms, and tons more. This one features the Lennon Sisters, delightfully low-tech retro sound effects, and incongruent lyrics like: "Outer Space Santa, shining up the stars / Outer Space helpers, packing them in jars." Jars of stars? Huh? Hey, don't worry about it…it's spacey!

"Father Christmas" by the Kinks 1977…Here's another Violence Against Santa number…one of the few hard-rock Christmas songs that really works. Ruffians are attacking Santa for giving toys to "all the little rich boys." Is there nothing Ray Davies couldn't do…apparently not.  

"Little Mary Christmas" by Roger Christian 1962…Don't get me wrong…the Weirdmas songs I've mentioned are quite entertaining and I enjoy listening to them…but this final one is an exception. You have to hear it once to believe it, but then never again. Roger Christian was a car-crazy Los Angeles DJ who wrote lyrics for the Beach Boys, Jan & Dean, many others. But this is a rather creepy Yuletide misstep. See, Little Mary is a physically challenged orphan, and Roger's dour recitation sets us up for an even bigger tragedy, but it's all a narrative trick, and we get a happy ending after all..but who needs it? It's smarmy and unsettling all at the same time, and Roger's tone of voice is almost menacing. This used to be hard to find, but it's now on a CD Christmas collection assembled by John Waters, of "Hairspray" fame.

Have a great Christmas…and as I like to remind folks this time of year…as well as at Easter and Thanksgiving too…don't forget to eat something! Keep your strength up…so you can rock on!

Mini-Series Mini-History: The Sequel (4CE reprint Nov 2012)

4ce nov stolf's oldies

Mini-Series Mini-History: The Sequel

Last month we asked, what was the first TV miniseries? My answer was The Blue Knight (11/13/1973). It was shown on 4 consecutive nights…but if the episode length of 1-hour disqualifies it in your mind, then the answer would be…

QB VII (4/29/1974)…It's overwrought hoopla certainly dwarfed "The Blue Knight"…getting the full cover treatment from TV Guide, plus a long feature article…the one accompanying "The Blue Knight" was about creator Joseph Wambaugh, not the show. But it was broadcast over 2 consecutive nights, episodes of 3 and 3½ hours. If that means it was really a 2-part movie and not a true miniseries, then the answer is… 

Rich Man, Poor Man (2/1/1976)…The first pair of 2-hour episodes shown back-to-back Sunday/Monday, then for the next 7 Mondays, some 1 hour, some 2 hours, for a total of 9 episodes and 13 hours, spread over a month and a half. And early on, the weekly format was the miniseries format of choice, until it was eclipsed by the consecutive night format. But if that is a disqualification, then we must move on to…

Roots (1/23/1977)…12 hours, 8 consecutive nights, meets all the tests, no? And indeed it is most often cited as the “first.” But perhaps you are a TV maven who knows everything, and you have a different esoteric choice. I’m certainly open-minded, so let’s review 4 more candidates, starting with…

Vanished…NBC 1971…Again, based on a best-selling novel and with an all-star cast, lead by Richard Widmark…and it was a “first”…the first 2-part made-for-TV movie ever, airing for 2 hours on March 8th, concluding with 2 more hours the next night. Granted, the term miniseries hadn't been invented yet, but it all comes down to the question of whether a 2-part movie is a miniseries. After all, "QB VII" was a 2-part movie in its premiere broadcast…then shown over 3 consecutive nights a year later…and to further muddy the water, "The Blue Knight" was rerun in 1975 over 2 nights instead of its original 4. When "The Godfather" debuted on TV in November of 1974, it was shown over 2 nights, oddly Saturday and Monday! Of course, 3 years later, it would be re-edited with "The Godfather Part 2," shown over 4 consecutive nights, and was considered at the time every bit a miniseries as "Roots" and "Washington: Behind Closed Doors," which was the second blockbuster 12-hour consecutive night miniseries, on ABC in November of 1977.

And how do we classify "Jesus of Nazareth" from March of 1977? It had just 2 parts, each of about 3 hours and 15 minutes…but it was broadcast not on consecutive nights, but on 2 consecutive Sundays. So does "Vanished" get grandfathered in or not? It’s up to you…some people today do refer to it as a miniseries. Turner Classic Movies is more cautious…they call it the "first long-form TV movie…which paved the way for subsequent miniseries." 

 The Forsyte Saga…PBS 1969…So far, we've been provincial about it and excluded British shows, even when broadcast on American television. But how do they fit into the miniseries mix? The first thing you must understand is the terminology. For example, we call "The Man from U.N.C.L.E" a series…they call it a programme, because to them "series" means something else…we would say UNCLE ran for 4 seasons, while they would say it had 4 series. In the UK, an open-ended programme could have anywhere from 10 to 40 episodes in a series. But going back even to the 1950s, they also had what could be called a "short form" or "limited" programme, which, like a miniseries, told one story with a beginning and an end, and was planned for a definite number of installments…they call this a "serial." One example was the science fiction adventures of Dr. Quatermass…these consisted of 3 series, broadcast in 1953, 1955, and 1958…each story was told in 6 weekly episodes.

So a British serial sounds a lot like an American miniseries. Still, where do you draw the line? You probably wouldn't consider "The Prisoner" a miniseries…but Patrick McGoohan planned it for just 7 episodes, while his network wanted 26 episodes, and a deal in the works with CBS called for 36. He managed to crank out 17, airing in England starting in September of 1967, and in the US in June of 1968. Still, despite an opening episode that sets up the mystery, and a closing episode that resolves it, each hour really is a self-contained story, albeit with limited references to what's gone on before.

Which brings us to "The Forsyte Saga," a serial consisting of 26 1-hour episodes, based on the novels by John Galsworthy, which debuted in the UK in January of 1967. That might seem long for a miniseries, but don't forget "Centennial"…first shown on CBS as 12 weekly episodes in 1978-79, sometimes on Sunday, sometimes on Saturday, either 2 or 3 hours each night, for a total of 26 hours. Then repeated on TBS in 1984 as a sort-of consecutive night miniseries, with the12 episodes spread out over 17 days, skipping Fridays and Saturdays. 

In any event, PBS (then called NET) took a chance and imported "The Forsyte Saga" in November of 1969, running it weekly, and it was a huge success. This lead to what might be called a "miniseries series," and that would be "Masterpiece Theatre," which gobbled up the many British historical serials produced in the wake of "The Forsyte Saga," starting with "The First Churchills" in January of 1971. But perhaps you don't want to count Public TV…it's just too different, with no commercials and all…in that case, let's try…

The Six Wives of Henry VIII…CBS 1971…Originally broadcast in UK, 6 weekly 1-hour episodes, starting in January of 1970… then in the US, again weekly, beginning August 13, 1971. Miniseries or not? I report, you decide. I’m sticking with "The Blue Knight." But as you can see, it all hinges on the definition of miniseries. Remember "Primal Man"? Very cool show…4 1-hour episodes spread out over a year and a half, the first in December of 1973. You could call it a series of specials…not really that much different from the Peanuts specials that were similarly spaced out…yet at the time, it was called a miniseries. Or consider the initial run of "Dallas"…5 weekly episodes in April of 1978. Today we might call that a "limited run preview," since it was intended to introduce the first full season debuting in the Fall…but back in the day, it was a miniseries. So if we stretch the definition to the breaking point, we get…

Davy Crockett…ABC 1954-55…Yes, some people call that a miniseries…Wikipedia sure does…and as one blogger put it when Fess Parker died in 2010: “His death brings to mind the miniseries that made him a star…” But betwixt and between all the qualifications and quibbles, I can definitely say IT WAS NOT! 5 1-hour episodes, each a self-contained story, spread out over a full year’s time, and broadcast as part of the anthology series "Disneyland," the forerunner of "Wonderful World of Color." True, it was accompanied by miniseries-level hype, one of the first TV shows to explode into a full-blown fad…and I reckon it sold more merchandise than "Shogun" or "Winds of War"…I mean, were there "Roots" Hallowe'en costumes? I don't think so.  Lunch boxes maybe, I just don't remember. But there you have it…good night, good luck, and keep rockin'!

Mini-History of the Mini-Series (4CE reprint Oct 2012)

Stolf's Oldies October

Mini-History of the Mini-Series

What was the first mini-series on TV? If there were ever a case of “depends on how you look at it,” this is it. You'll often hear that it was "Roots," but several other candidates are also mentioned. How come? Isn't the first, THE FIRST? No, because back in the day, 3 different formats...and inevitable variations...were considered "mini-series." 

Consecutive Night Mini-series…A traditional “see you next week” series continues season after season as long as viewers watch it and it’s profitable to produce. A mini-series is more like a movie or a one-shot “special” in that it has a definite story to tell with a beginning and an end. Here, the episodes aired on consecutive nights…1, 2, or all 3 hours of prime time. To me this is the essential innovation of the mini-series genre…you didn't have to wait 7 days to see what happens.  

Weekly Mini-series…This resembles an ordinary series, in that the installments are aired once a week…but when it’s over, it’s over. There were variations…the first 2 or last 2 episodes may have been on back-to-back nights, for greater impact. But again, this is how it was planned…it was not dependent on viewership for it to continue. I know of no mini-series of any kind that “stopped” in the middle due to poor ratings.

2-Part Movie…Which is to say, a “made-for-TV” movie which is split into 2 parts, and is broadcast on 2 consecutive nights. Unusually long theatrical movies were shown on TV over 2 nights as well. Would you say that really isn't a mini-series...because only 2 nights in a row isn't much of a "series"? Trouble is, from the very beginning of the mini-series phenomenon, and then even more so as the genre became popular, 2-part movies WERE called mini-series, which is why there are several candidates for “first.” Let's sort them out…

(1)  The Blue Knight…NBC 1973…aired on 4 consecutive nights, Tuesday thru Friday beginning November 13…each episode one hour, at 10PM. An adaptation of Joseph Wambaugh’s novel of the same name, starring William Holden as the world-weary veteran cop on the beat, Bumper Morgan…it was made possible by Wambaugh’s success with the anthology series "Police Story." It spawned a short-lived regular series 2 years later with George Kennedy. Lorimar, the production company that made it, considers it to this day the first mini-series and so do I...so that's my answer: THE BLUE KNIGHT!

TV Guide’s Fall Preview issue that year (9/8/73) described it as a “miniseries of 4 one-hour dramas.” This is the first time I am aware of them using the term...but they also mentioned a “6 hour miniseries”…that would eventually air 5 months after "The Blue Knight"…and that was…

(2)  QB VII…ABC 1974…ran for 3 hours on Monday April 29, and for an unprecedented 3 and a half hours the following night. Besides You-Know-What, this is the one most often cited as the first. But it's tricky, because technically "QB VII" was a 2-part movie! Again, based on a best-selling novel…and there are several reasons why it certainly might be considered the first, despite "The Blue Knight" being chronologically first. It established the idea of each part being longer than the typical dramatic series' one hour. More importantly, it was promoted as an EVENT. Yes, "The Blue Knight" was obviously innovative in its 4-night format, but here’s what TV Guide said in the extensive article that ran the week of "QB VII"…

“The most ambitious, longest, and certainly the most expensive single movie project yet produced for television…a mammoth commitment by ABC…a sizable risk…everyone involved seems to possess a sense of pioneering, of participating in a very special dramatic venture.” 

It’s hard to read such commentary, and not sense a “first” in there somewhere. But notice that now they're calling it a “movie,” and nowhere in the article or in ABC’s advertising was the word “mini-series” used. In fact, the full-page ad touts it as an “Electrifying World Premiere,” exactly what they'd call movies, theatrical and made-for-TV alike. "The Blue Knight" was successful, and praised by critics, but it had nowhere near the build-up or the impact…and "QB VII" got the full TV Guide cover to itself the week it was on..."The Blue Knight" did not. "QB VII"  proved the concept, and its success told the industry you could spend lots of money…and lots of time…on one story, and that lead to…

(3)  Roots…ABC 1977…aired for 8 consecutive nights, Sunday thru Sunday beginning January 23…some nights for 2 hours, other nights for just 1, for a total of 12 hours, doubling the length of "QB VII."  Most commonly cited as “the first mini-series.” And a blockbuster is was, one of the few mini-series to have a sequel, the 14-hour "Roots: The Next Generation" 2 years later. Unprecedented publicity and advertising…this time a full 2-page spread in TV Guide.

"Roots" is thus remembered as the mini-series that burst the genre wide open…and that would continue to be the hottest programming format for the next 2 decades. Certainly "Roots" deserves to be “first” in some sense, altho not technically first as we have seen. But here’s a curious thing: "Roots" was broadcast over 2 ½ years after "QB VII"…so what was happening in the meantime? And that’s why I had to divide “mini-series” into 3 distinct formats, because of…

(4)  Rich Man, Poor Man…ABC 1976…9 episodes, beginning Sunday February 1st for 2 hours, 2 hours the next day, Monday, then continuing for 7 more consecutive Mondays, each one hour, except the final 2, which were 2 hours long, for a total of 13 hours, spread over a month and a half. And there’s the dilemma in defining “mini-series”…at the beginning, they really hadn’t settled on the format: consecutive nights or once a week?

The trouble with calling "RM, PM" the first mini-series is that several other weeklies preceded it…"Moses the Lawgiver" on CBS, 1-hour episodes for 6 weeks…and Judd Hirsch in "The Law" on NBC, one hour, then one hour the next week, then skipping a week, then finishing with a 3rd hour. But do these qualify, with no segments longer than 60 minutes?  The format was in a state of flux…and get this: when "QB VII" was re-run a year after its initial broadcast, it was spread out over 3 consecutive nights instead of the original 2...so NOW it was a mini-series, and no longer a 2-part movie??

Yet while it seems that "RM, PM" can't really be the first, at the time it was indeed considered the trendsetter…TV Guide’s Fall Preview (9/18/76) called it exactly that, listing the many mini-series that were being developed in its wake, including "Roots." And the fact remains, in 1975 and 1976, apart from the "QB VII" re-run, there were NO consecutive night mini-series. So there is a case to be made..."RM, PM" was also one of the few to merit a sequel, again a weekly...and it is considered to this day one of the best of the breed. 

And altho the term “mini-series”…or "miniseries" without the hyphen…surfaced in 1973, it was not used exclusively…”multi-part production” and “multi-parter” were common. And really, “mini-series” was from the beginning just too mundane for the network hype machine…they were often termed “Novels for Television." But those who love to quibble and nitpick sometimes suggest 4 other possibilities for the "first mini-series"...we'll reminisce about those and weigh their qualifications next month...till then, rock on!